Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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I feel like a fool

lizmartin
lizmartin
This is a weird feeling but I can't possibly be the only one who feels it. Today I cleaned a room where I used to have my Lily's things. Her things are no longer there, they were taken out before I got home from the hospital. I had avoided the room. But today I decided to clean the room and it brought back memories of all her things even though they are not there. It took me back to when I was in nesting mode and when I would go through everything to make sure I was prepared and had everything I needed. I remembered the feeling of joy that I would feel to see everything that I had for her. And I even felt too blessed because I had received so many things. I had diapers probably to last a year. And now when I think of it, it makes me feel like such a fool. Like a joke was played on me like I was made a fool of. Logically I understand the reality of things but I can't be the only one who has felt this right?
AngelEmmaRose
AngelEmmaRose
I also get that sometimes. I feel so foolish for thinking everything was wonderful and that life was glorious. What a stupid stupid fool I was.

I feel like life, or the universe or something betrayed me. That my hopes and dreams and belief that I was a happy person was completely misplaced and I have now been shown the truth. There is no such thing as a happy life. There is only misery and sadness and if you fly to high you will get burnt.
elainesmith
elainesmith
I feel this too, we found our we were expecting twins in November we were so excited we told everyone! We sold our small house and bought a 5 bedroom house...4 weeks later we found out we lost on of the twins. We were told that it is normal (vanishing twin syndrome) and that the rest of the pregnancy should be fine. I was hard but I was able eventually to be excited about the baby we were still expecting, I did his nursery in a beautiful vintage aviation theme, we had everything he could possibly need, and all of our plans for the future included him. At 30 1/2 weeks we found out his heart had stopped, it's been 9 weeks and I haven't gone into his nursery (which is exactly how it was) the door has been closed, and we haven't opened it since we returned from the hospital without him, the room was so full of hope and joy I don't know how to go into it. What a fool I was to think I could have it all...
princessevelyn
princessevelyn
I was just telling myself that this morning. After losing Evelyn was devastating enough but to be blessed with a sibling for her to watch over gave me the necessary hope that I needed so bad. Thinking and telling myself that this was it. This was going to be my rainbow baby. Although only 10 weeks along, I started stocking up on diapers. The whole 10 weeks I had it in my heart and soul that I was going to bring home my baby. That all changed yesterday at the doctor's office when my baby did not have a heart beat. Here I am again, left devastated. How could I have thought the way I did? Why did I think the way I did? Why did I feel the way I did? I feel so stupid for thinking so positive and wanting this so bad and to have it taken away again. What was I thinking!? I should have known better after losing Evelyn that anything can happen at any time.
venusiren
venusiren
We are no more foolish than anyone that hopes; however, we have been betrayed... by life or fate or God or ourselves... who knows. I never even wanted children and now I want my son back so badly I'd happily give my own life. I'm not enjoying it anymore, anyway. The really sick thing is that the main reason I didn't want children is because I was afraid to love that much. I guess I was right.
mamapez930
mamapez930
I still cant bring myself to clear her drawers. Part of me is thinking I can leave the clothes in case we have another girl, but the other part knows its just too hard.
doublefam
doublefam
its been 7 months of loss and before we found out we where trying to potty train our son at the time well yesterday I was getting down some clothes that he is big enough for now and a pack of diaper wipes fell down and hit me on the shoulder. it didn't physically hurt but I cried for over an hour I had to stop myself because my son not knowing what to do was crying with me. I felt like a fool and a bad mommy because I couldn't stop and I upset my son
julissamaria
julissamaria
I feel jus like u a lot. Today, my princess would have been 6 moths. Born at 547 am. Is funny i wake up at that time or before everyday
Rochelle43
Rochelle43
You're not alone. I'm thinking this is a very common feeling. I, too, felt like a fool. I didn't want to be around people, because they avoided talking about it, which made me feel even more foolish. You acquire all of these things for the baby, and when the loss happens they just sit there unused. None of us are or were fools because this happened to us, but it has to be very common to feel this way. I felt like if I walked into a room everyone was waiting for me to "break."
Secretkeeper2
Secretkeeper2
I also felt the same way, and the responses of most others didn't help. It was as though what happened to me was contagious, voiced beautifully in the novel, "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination." I didn't clean out Stephen's room, I made sure it was done before I came home from the hospital and I also knew I wouldn't use his things if we were expecting again...it felt like a betrayal of what could have been for him. This loss is so earth shaking, and while the pain never vanishes completely, it does get better.

Best wishes