I hear you. This is my first holiday season without my daughter. It's not fair. I don't feel like acknowledging the holidays either. I'm pretty heartbroken. Then I remember others who have loss- all kinds of loss. Loss of grown children. Loss of parents. Loss of siblings. The holidays are not happy for everyone. I do feel like I'm walking around with an empty hole in my chest, though.

This is my first holiday season since I lost my daughter and I feel like all of the progress I have made in the last 2 1/2 months has been taken away. All the plans I had in my head of what the holidays were going to be like this year are coming back with a vengance. I plan to celebrate the holidays with her by bringing holiday decorations in to the cemetary, lighting a candle each holiday, I got an ornament and I will get a stocking. I am very sad that I can't spend the holidays with her.

You made me laugh!!! I took sleeping pills from Oct - Jan. People were at my house for New Year's day dinner and I locked myself in my bedroom with a few bottles of water and a remote... While my family was downstairs eating, drinking and being merry. I've given up the sleeping pills and almost every pill I was on because I want to be pregnant by January.

I won't have the children for the holidays again this year.. I haven't really thought this one through. I too have an empty hole in my heart.

Hugs!!!
Nneka

I don't know how I will cope, I wasn't supposed to have Bobby Jr. until January 4, 2012. I would have spent my holidays very pregnant and on bedrest. My husband and I were hoping that he would come between Christmas and New Year's. He was born August 25, when I was 21 weeks along. I will definitely be missing him even though he wasn't supposed to be here til after the holidays. I will be putting and angel ornament on our tree, that's all I have thought of so far, but I'm sure I will be doing more. Wishing you peace for this year's holidays.

I've been indifferent about the holidays. This is our first holiday season and I am, for the first time in my life, not happy that they are here. I am sure I will do things along the lines of what mrojee said. Decorating her resting place, a candle burning, an ornament, a stocking.

I've been thinking I'll sponsor a needy child and buy gifts that should be for my daughter, for that child. I think it would be nice to be able to make some child happy - since Eleanor doesn't need anything like that. I'm sure I'll buy food for food pantrys as well - but I do these things every year. I guess it will just feel much different than previous years.

I admire all of you who are decorating resting places, buying special ornaments for trees, giving gifts away in honor of your children. I feel like I'm not strong enough to do that. I don't want to acknowledge the holidays or my daughter's death. Is that selfish? I just want to crawl into a hole and come out in January. But I feel like I'm not honoring my daughter. Or maybe I just can't bring myself to do it this year but will do it next year. What do you all think?

I will add that I admire that many of you have posted pictures of your children. I can't bring myself to even look at her pictures. Or keep her nursery room door open.

I think everybody has to heal in their own way and we all deal with difficult times in different ways... no one way is stronger or better than others. Sometimes I wish I could just camp out in my room until after the holidays pass. I have a 2 1/2 year old who is so excited that the holiday season is hear. I can't skip the holidays, so I will celebrate my daugther's life the best I can...

here*

It has been almost a year since I lost my little one... The holidays last year are much of a blur for me. She was born right after halloween and that was a happy day for me. I was as big as a house and painted my belly like a pumpkin... so cute but it made me itch like crazy. I was still recovering from the c section at thanksgiving and on some pretty strong anti anxiety meds so its a bit blurry... I do remember sitting at the dinner table at my in-laws house staring at the floor during dinner and trying not to cry because she should have been sleeping in her car seat next to me. Traditionally I go all out for christmas and everything goes up the day after Thanksgiving.. That didn't happen.. My husband bought a little 3ft fake charlie brown looking tree about a week before christmas and put it up with a few strings of lights and that was about it. This year I will be working on Thanksgiving and trying not to fall apart on Christmas.

Its almost 4 months I have lost my boy... I still have difficulty in any normal day of the week.. I had a horrible emotional meltdown this Halloween, I kept on crying thinking he should have been here with me, may be a month old by now... I am scared about the upcoming holidays, hate that the holidays are coming.. I just cannot tolerate anyone talking about how they are planning to enjoy their holidays... I just miss my son, I am thinking here this would have been Arnay's first Thxgiving, Christmas, I would have had so much fun with him, instead I am sitting here empty handed and starting all over everything... I am scared as to what I will be doing the holidays...