Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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TWynn90 05/02/2020

Hi. Im new to this type of thing but Ill try it out.. I lost my son this past Wednesday due to a placental abruption. When they told me they couldnt find his heartbeat I broke down. They even went to get a sonogram machine for me to confirm. He was perfectly fine before. I had a doctor appt for this past friday which was to test for preeclampsia because I had it with my first and last child. I was 33 1/2 weeks. I had to deliver him naturally and alone due to the COVID-19 protocol at hospitals now. He was beautiful but small due to the fact that he didnt have any muscle tone and his skin had begun peeling.. Ive never experienced anything like this. I was in complete shock. Im still in shock. I have to look at all of the baby items and I had to tell my 3 children why their baby brother didnt get to come home and it crushed them. My partner is devestated.. I dont know what to do now. I havent been able to eat or sleep since. My family and friends are worried about me.. I dont feel like myself and to be honest i dont know if i ever will. I realize that i took the fact that every preganancy is different. I assumed id go home with my baby boy because i did with my three children before him. I was so wrong and im literally crushed.. Thanks for listening.

Marthar1201 05/28/2020

First of all I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a baby is the worst thing that can happen to any mother. Yet, you had to deal with it by yourself with this COVID19 situation. No words can make you feel better. But you are not alone. Many of us have lost a baby or more. I lost my son at 36 weeks and I had to deliver him. He was perfect.....he was our first child. Eli was his name, tomorrow May 29 he would've been 6 years old. And as I am writing this.... The pain of not having with him is unbearable. Only time will help you heal slowly. ....

All your feelings are your new normal....And it will be hard to look at you baby's things....I cried so many times every time I went into the empty nursery room. I cried myself to sleep so many times. I spent a lot of time by myself...I felt like nobody understood my pain as no one in the family ever went through the same thing.

Take care of yourself.... Take 1 day at the time...

Will check here more frequently if you need anything....

Martha

Eli's Mom

TWynn90 05/29/2020

Thank you so much for your kind words. I’ve had a very tough time. I was recommended a therapist and have been communicating with her. I got a photo album for my son and I’m still coping with having a empty room. I really appreciate your comment.

kserigne 05/29/2020

I’m so sorry for your devastating loss. I found out my daughter Jaci didn’t have a heartbeat at my last appointment, 39 weeks and 5 days, two days before my official due date. I delivered her on March 6 and a week later we went into lockdown. I’m so sorry you had to do that alone because of the virus. It was like everything was put on pause. No service yet and really haven’t seen anyone in person since it happened. Know you are not alone in this. The more I talk to people, the more I learn of their experiences. I pray for you and your family. I received an ornament that read, “and to think the first person her eyes laid eyes on was Jesus.” It has given me a sense of peace and I hope it does for you and your sweet angel too! -Kayla, Jaci’s mom

zoweestar 06/02/2020

TWynn90, I also had a stillbirth after a placental abruption at 34 weeks 8 years ago. I had no pain or symptoms so when I went into labor suddenly I just thought he was getting ready to come out early. I was so innocent to this type of situation that I never even thought that women could lose babies this far along, especially after having a normal pregnancy. By the time we got to the hospital and they checked for is heart, the nurse could not find it and from there everything went crazy fast. He was born weighing 5 pounds on 1/24/12 and like you described, his skin was also peeling in some areas. We were just so completely shocked and I didn't even know how I would explain this to anyone. We had a 7 year old daughter at home and she was also completely devastated.

When I first went through this I reached out on this site and found women that had been through what I went through because like you said, no one understands this type of pain unless you have lived through it yourself. I felt lost and torn for a long time but messaging with women on this site and seeing a therapist really helped me.

The nights seem to be the hardest for everyone. You will cry a lot and you will not feel like yourself for a long time. Just know that that is normal. The grieving process is a long and painful road. Some days will be better than others but your are not alone. I am so sorry for your loss and I pray that you begin to find peace soon enough.

Karina-Michael's mom

GabrielleH 07/21/2020

I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry that this happened to you and your family. I lost my baby at 35 weeks, no signs or symptoms anything was wrong. What helped me more than anything in the days and weeks that followed is knowing that I was not alone.

We’ve all had to live through it. The pain is indescribable. Focus on the happy memories during your pregnancy - when you were coming up with names, picking out clothes, and thinking about he stories you would tell - and cherish them.

It does get better. Slowly, but it does.

TWynn90 07/21/2020

Thank you all for your kind words. We are still coping but the days are still a blur sometimes. I’ll be posting again soon

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