Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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LiamLsMommy 03/23/2010

I hope no one takes offinse, I really dont mean anything weird by this.
Joel and I have always had a pretty active sex life. During my pregnancy we still did, except when morning sickness cut things short.
At first after Liam died I couldnt even think of any sort of phyical intamacy. I'd look in the mirror and see where Liam should be. Nothing made me feel sexy at all, just empty. Sometimes I'd catch Joel looking at my body wistfully and then he'd seem guilty because he knew I wasnt ready. He's been really good through this and didnt want to pressure me at all. Slowly we get closer, even a passionate kiss was off limits at first, I didnt want to be happy. Life seemed like a big why bother and sex was much too emotional. We started just making out. This weekend we started and things we going pretty well. Then I thought I was going to vomit on his face, I tried to clear my mind and enjoy myself and this wonderful man and I could for a bit, then I couldnt help but think of being in the hospital and all the drs and Liam being born. He freaked out because i grimised and he thought he had hurt me. I want to be able to comfort him with something we both enjoy so much, but, I dont know how anymore.

Do you guys have that issue? I feel crazy.

jadenangel 03/23/2010

The first time after Jaden had died I cried during only because it brought back physical memories of giving birth. it took a little while but eventually we got there. Don't rush it because soon you may find that it brings you comfort and familiarity to your otherwise turned upside down life.

deleted_user 03/23/2010

I dont think you are weird....these arent questions we can ask just anybody and they understand. Yes i took like 2 - 3 months before I wanted to even think about sex. We went on vacation in late june early july and I believe that is the first time. I cried afterward because like you i felt empty. DH didnt know what to do, poor thing just looked lost. We both did. Give yourself time. It is not something that you can just jump back into. Hugs

deleted_user 03/23/2010

Gosh, I could have written this. Honestly, I'm still not over it, and we lost Joel in July. Poor DH is so frustrated. It was really hard to even do it to try to conceive again, and now that we have, I'm back to not wanting to again. I still don't even like to be kissed. About the only intimacy I enjoy is holding hands, cuddling, and hugging. I'm not sure what the best route to take to get over this is. Really, though, you're not alone. I can relate to pretty much everything you wrote here.

deleted_user 03/23/2010

I'm sorry you are are going through this. After we lost Jack the first time we were intimate again I cried for about 2 hours straight...needless to say we obviously stopped. I still have a hard time enjoying sex or even being physical. I am now 27 weeks preggo with my rainbow baby and sex pretty much doesn't exist. Things used to be so good physically between us but I think its all part of my grief. I hope it gets back to normal after our baby arrives. You are not alone.

deleted_user 03/23/2010

Sex has always been very important to our relationship. We had trouble for a while after we lost our first baby due to miscarriage, and we have had some trouble after losing Marissa. We cuddle every night, and we try to have sex when we can. Sometimes, it has been wonderful. Other times, something just hasn't felt right for either one of us. We all heal at different rates, but I am fortunate to have a husband who is dealing with this at about the same speed. Right now, our biggest hang-up is trying not to get pregnant. I think that is what makes sex uncomfortable for us. I hope that everything gets better for you. Just take it slow, and continue bonding in ways that are comfortable for both of you.

deleted_user 03/25/2010

I feel for you, after I lost my Cayden on Feb 23, 10 I thought we would never have sex again. We would only hug and kiss but not makeout. I found myself talking about sex just a week or so ago. I tried to touch my husband and he told me flat out He is not ready. I told him I understand and when ever he is ready I am sure he will let me know. I think it is harder for my husband because he watched me birth Cayden.

I think I wanted to have sex becuase I didnt want to ever think that he would never touch me again. At my last doctor's appointment I got the shot, I dont want to get prego too fast and since Cayden's passing I have decieded to be a Labor and Delivery Nurse. My L&D Nurse had a full term Stillborn and everyday I thank God that she guided me. I want to be able to give the support to other women that might go through it, the way she did for me, I am forever greatful.

I think that when the time is right, dont think about the greif, just think that your little angel up above would want mommy and daddy to do the right thing and stay strong, keep the bond you always had. Yes you will have your good days and your bad days. I will pray for you. I hope this helps. Hugs and kisses

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