Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
I just joined this site today. It says the stillbirth support group is in the women's health section, so I'm wondering if it's only for women? As a man, I am feeling sad and empty after my wife and I lost our baby at 36 weeks pregnancy, and my wife gave birth on April 13, 2018. Our baby daughter looked perfect and beautiful. We are both very sad and empty, and now in order to try again, we will have to try for a surrogate or adoption, since my wife was high-risk and probably would not survive another pregnancy. My wife almost lost her life as well.
I know we will feel sad and empty for a long time. I took time off from work for bereavement, and as I returned to work, I have tried to carry on with daily routines. My wife and I try to still enjoy things, but we both feel sad. Sometimes I feel like it is difficult to share my thoughts and feelings about our loss, though I do share. I just don't want to get my wife down when she's feeling happy, and I want to be able to carry on so I can continue working and paying the bills and taking care of the other things we need to take care of day to day. I think the problem with trying to carry on is that I might not always seem like I am hurting or that I care, but I do. I know everyone mournes differently. It's just the same sadness and emptyness, and I feel like a broken record when I express it. Sometimes I just hug my wife and not say much about it, and other times she might ask and I'll tell her I'm feeling sad and empty about it. Our daughter will always be part of us and will always be missed.
Today is my first day on here and I was going to write something and I came across your story; Of your beautiful Angel baby, your guardian Angel, and your daughter. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart that you had to experience that horrendous feeling. It has been 3 years that I lost my son AJ, and I still hurt because I did not cope with his loss.
You should express your feelings to your wife even though it is hard, she wants to talk about it and is not sure if you want to talk about it. You talking to it about her will help both of you. She is already hurting and you expressing yourself will not make it worse, it might possibly help you both heal a little more.
I appreciate you telling your story and letting it out because most men do not like to express yourself and that affects you even more.
If you really cannot talk about it, write it down in a journal of how you feel and hand it to her to reply in convo or write back. I know it sounds silly but you are hurting and you need to let it out.
If you don't have a grave site for her, find somewhere both of you can go to plant something and go visit whenever you want.
As I tell you all these things, I hurt because the father of my child left me, so I was not able to do any of those things but be there for each other. You and your wife are parents to an Angel, talk to her at night, she is watching over you both.
Thank you for this
I think I still have a hard time expressing my sadness with my wife. I may just be coping with it differently, and I have heard that a husband and wife do tend to cope with a stillbirth differently. Our experience seems to be what I've read is common, where the husband doesn't talk about it as much and might seem to the wife like he doesn't care as much as the wife does or isn't hurt as much. I've mentioned our daughter to my wife, and have gone in the nursery room with her to comfort her, but it seems my wife sometimes doesn't think the stillbirth bothers me. I don't like seeing her think that way, since we're both going through this together.. Sometimes I'm not sure how to convince her that I do care and that I feel sadness for the loss.