Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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Employer BS

gemsandjules
gemsandjules
I have worked for the same company for 10 years and have known many of my coworkers for the majority of that time. I work for a large company but we work independently so I don't see my coworkers on even a weekly basis. Still, they know me well. Three of my coworkers have reached out to me and have made food, stopped by to visit, or sent a card expressing their condolences. My boss, however, had his wife send a card. I know this because she signed it. He didn't even sign his own name or write a note. I have never even met his wife! It has been 7 weeks and he has not called or e-mailed me. He told me before I left that he was not allowed to contact me while I was on leave per the leave policy. Per the HR department, he can't contact me for work related matters but this is an entirely different situation. I have always done everything that he has asked. I worked overtime, even while pregnant, to get things done-mind you it was typing reports which is pretty easy but I have a good rapport with him and he has completely disregarded me.

I even know my second level supervisor well. She has never sent a card, no flowers, nothing! Other coworkers have done nothing and I know that we have reached out to other coworkers in the past. Sadly, another coworker's three year old son drowned and we took up a collection and sent cards and gifts. I'm not looking for money or gifts myself, but a card or an e-mail would be nice. How am I supposed to act around people who have completely disregarded the death of my daughter?

Have any of you experienced this? I have decided to take another 8 weeks off. I don't know how I can go back to work for these people, especially since I have given 10 years of my life to this company.
terranickole
terranickole
I'm a nurse and was dumbfounded by how crappy my work was towards me, they made me come back to work after 2 weeks saying being busy will help me, no it will help you so you don't have to find someone to fill in for me. Needless to say things did not go well and when after a month when a coworker found me crying she asked why I was crying I responded "I think you know why" and she said "ugh you're still crying about that" it had only been a month, its a yr later new years eve and I still cry every day. Long story short I had a complete breakdown broke phones, threw charts, screamed at everyone and quit. I couldn't work for a company that knew what happened and had no thought for my wellbeing whatsoever
deleted_user
deleted_user
People don't know what to say to us, or really how to act towards us. Its been a couple of years since my little one was born still, Isabelle. However, I still have times, like the Holidays that I remember and allow my grief to surface.
I think I just allowed those who didn't understand to be.... and I clung to and made better, stronger friendships with those that were there for me. You'll soon figure out who those people are.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I also just wanted to say that I am sorry that you are going thru this and I am hopeful that you can find strength here on this site The people here, have been exactly where we have been, and they do understand.

Best wishes to you, take all the time you need. You have the rest of your life to work, and right now you need to be kind to yourself, and find some sort of "new".

Laura .
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so sorry for your loss. When I returned to work my boss was great, and also a few female coworkers in my deparment. I found most people didn't say anything and acted like nothing happened. I think it was because they don't know what to say or how to act. And now, 10 months later I think a lot have forgotten that it happened. Just recently a woman who we don't work closely withs 20 year old son died, and a coworker I share an office with said something along the lines of how hard it must be for her and how people say the hardest thing someone can go through is losing a child, completely forgetting that I had also lost one earlier in the year. I try to not let it bother me and I hope things get better for you when you do return to work. Hugs to you :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
It sounds like he doesnt know what to say. I wish people would be different at times but some people just dont act how we wish they would. My in-laws are pretty crazy . For example on face book my brother in law posted, ( My brother just lost his baby, how much more shit can I take!) He made it all about him, when I called him he was so mean to me, because he doesnt like me. It was so weird. They act like I am not part of the family and in their minds cannot put it together that I am the mother of their brothers children. Its really crazy how they think of me. Any who, it sucks how people act. Dont put to much of your energy into it it will just make you more angry.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I had a similar experience when I returned to work. My boss has been and continues to be wonderful. The rest of my co-workers...not so much. Most of them acted as if nothing happened. Very few even acknowledged that I had lost my child and was recovering from a c-section when I returned to work 2 1/2 weeks later. At the beginning of the school year (I am a teacher), three teachers had deaths in their families. There was an immediate outpouring of support for each of them. Sympathy cards were circulated, meetings were held to figure out how to make their burdens lighter. The first of these happened when Charlotte had only been gone for 6 weeks, and I was absolutely devastated by it. I still work at my job and I don't plan to make a change any time soon, but it completely changed the way that I felt about the place. I am currently 12.5 weeks pregnant, and I am dreading the time when I can't conceal it anymore. You know that the very same people who completely ignored the death of my child will be the first ones to try to make small talk about this pregnancy. It's so disappointing.