I don't have any advice for you but my son's due date is June 6th and I can feel it getting closer everyday. I lost him at almost 31 weeks on April 2nd, these last 6 weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life and I know it's going to get harder as his due date gets closer, I have constant guilt also, what did I do wrong? The doctors have found no cause for his heart to have stopped so I'm left with every question there is... I think about his constantly but also have those moments where I find myself laughing with my daughter or husband for a moment, then it hits me that I lost my baby boy...

I lost Sam at 33 weeks in January. My due date was March 11. My husband and I went out of town that week so we wouldn't just sit at home dreading the pain. I had a massive panic attack beginning the night of March 10. It didn't end until I finally started drinking the afternoon of the 11th. I calmed down after a couple of glasses and we were able to enjoy the rest of our time away. I do NOT suggest you try to drink the pain away. I just wanted to offer my experience.

Everything you're feeling is, in fact, perfectly normal, including the guilt you feel over enjoying yourself. The best advice I've gotten in that regard is "be kind to yourself". When I catch myself laughing or having a good time, instead of feeling guilty, I take that opportunity to remind myself that there can still be joy. I struggle w/a reason to go on and that's one method I use to try to banish my "passive suicidal thoughts".

My advice actually comes from my mom. Amelia's due date was the 4th of July and I lost her on the 6th but she wasn't born as an Angel until the 7th. I am dreading all three of those dates. I took off on the 6th and 7th because I do not want to be at work and everyone is asking me if I have big vacation plans because they forget. I had resolved to just stay at home and cry, but my mother, ever positive, gave me the following advice. She told me to celebrate. I know what you're thinking, how can you celebrate losing your child. The way my mother explained it to me is that I wouldn't be celebrating my loss, but would instead be celebrating Amelia's life. Had Amelia stayed with us, I would have thrown her a beautiful birthday party. Amelia was full of life and she had a fiery personality, even in the womb. My mother also doesn't want me to be alone during those days because she is afraid that I am going to have a really bad breakdown, essentially undoing all of the grieving I have already had to do. I think i'm going to throw Amelia a birthday party, send her some balloons, a letter, and a picture of her mom and dad. On her actual birthday, my husband and I will go to breakfast somewhere because she loved eggs, bacon, and any potato. I know that on my birthday I want to eat my favorite food and I know that Amelia would have wanted it that way as well.

I am also a realist. I know that I am going to have several hours of uncontrolled sobbing. I already relive every second from the moment we found out her heart had stopped on a daily basis and I know that this will only be amplified. But I don't want to hurt Amelia any more. I don't want her to see her mother cry. When we buried her I wrote her a letter and I promised her I would be strong. For her.

The due date was hard for me as well, but that's normal. And I suspect that it always will be. There are so many dates that will never go away...the last movement I felt 6 Aug... the devastating news that her heart stopped 7 Aug...the c section 8 aug...the originally scheduled c section and what would have been her bday 25 aug... and then her actual due date which was 5 Sept.
I just spent the 25th of Aug and the 5th of September with my husband. We lit candles for her, bought flowers and just cried and talked and cried and talked. Surround yourself with love is all the advice I can give you.