It had been a year and 2 1/2 months since i lost my little boy. It has been such a roller coaster. I have since given birth to a beautiful little boy who is so sweet. I just feel like Im living life in a big blur. I think I have tried to block so much out. I dont think about my little boy anymore that I lost. I dont think about how I had this baby and how I felt. Im so numb that I almost feel like im just baby sitting and that hes not really mine to keep forever. Its almost as if im just waiting for the shoe to drop. I have been thinking i have every illness under the sun and the doctors just missed something. I dont know if I think that way because my body failed me with Rudy Jr. Its like im afraid to live. Always on edge thinking someone close to me will die or that I will die too.I just dont know anymore....sorry for the rant.
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