Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
It had been a year and 2 1/2 months since i lost my little boy. It has been such a roller coaster. I have since given birth to a beautiful little boy who is so sweet. I just feel like Im living life in a big blur. I think I have tried to block so much out. I dont think about my little boy anymore that I lost. I dont think about how I had this baby and how I felt. Im so numb that I almost feel like im just baby sitting and that hes not really mine to keep forever. Its almost as if im just waiting for the shoe to drop. I have been thinking i have every illness under the sun and the doctors just missed something. I dont know if I think that way because my body failed me with Rudy Jr. Its like im afraid to live. Always on edge thinking someone close to me will die or that I will die too.I just dont know anymore....sorry for the rant.
I experienced the exact same thing after I watched my mother die of breast cancer. I became a complete hypochondriac, and was convinced I was dying. I was afraid to answer my phone thinking it would be news that someone else died. I didn't go out because I didn't want to see car accidents, hear about illness etc..my life became so painful and filled with anxiety. This is when I developed my anxiety disorder and agoraphobia. There was a time that I could not leave my home.
It is a form of PTSD. If you haven't already, I would suggest finding a therapist that specializes in anxiety disorders. I found one that came to my house at first, and I also bought a home treatment system from Jerilyn Ross. With the help of both things I really overcame a lot of my issues. I can't lie and say I am back to my old self, before my mother died, but I have a life back. I no longer think I am dying, I enjoy leaving the house again and being social.
I know you can overcome it too. In just the little time I have known you it is so clear that you are a wonderful fun person. Don't let your life slip away...
I would love to be able to help you in any way that I can. Please message me. I am always here to talk.
Huge Hugs!!!