Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
My husband and I just lost our baby girl Bella 7/13/17 We feel like we're going crazy, you think every day it's going to get easier but it feels like it's getting worse. So many people have come to see us and and try to brighten our spirits but we just feel so alone and like no one truly understands how hard it really is. I was 36 weeks and I woke up in the morning and my mucus plug came out so I went to my doctors and he went to check her heart and couldn't find a beat(he always found a beat immediately every check up) so he took us in the other room to do an ultrasound which felt like an eternity of him just searching for something , he then called the other doctor in, that doctor started pointing at the monitor, I knew it was bad. They both looked at me with tears in their eyes and told me she was no longer with us. I felt like a part of me died I started dry heaving screaming and collapsed to the ground with my husband. A week prior to that I woke up at 3am with the most vivid nightmare that she had passed away and she would be a stillborn, I think she was letting me know in my sleep what was about to happen and wanted to warn me. We then rushed to the hospital and all of our friends and family came. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone, I wanted to die. Just knowing I had to deliver my baby and not be able to take her home killed me. After I delivered her and they brought her in for us to hold her I just couldn't let her go she is so beautiful. The doctor told me she had to have passed away 5 or 6 days prior so the day after my nightmare. They asked to do a biopsy on her and we agreed but I guess I had no idea how invasive it is they called me today to ask a series of questions like do you allow them to remove all her organs to test for the reason of death. I feel like it just won't end, the pain, being numb, trying to put a smile on my face and just be proud of the daughter we created. I feel like I can't even go out in public bc everything seems to remind me of her and I just want to break down and scream. I joined this group bc my husband and I just need to know how to cope and if it ever gets better. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I can't really give you any advice, my pain is still raw, I lost my boy less than a month ago, and I'm struggling each day.
I just wanted to tell you that I know how you feel, you are not alone facing this terrible pain. Take it moment by moment, and let your tears flow.
I'm sending you hugs.
I lost my baby girl at 34 weeks, i found out on june 25th that she had no heartbeat i KNEW something wasnt right when i woke up that morning she didnt get hiccups like she always would after i ate breakfast and went in that. Afternoon and she was gone and delivered her on the 28th at 9:55pm. I know how youre feeling and i know its hard. What helps me, is that knowing shes with God and that i will be seeing her again. It doesnt take the pain away and its hard to sleep and hurts ALL day long. But i have hope it will get easier we will never stop missing them and loving them but the pain will get easier. My advice is to not let yourself go, don't sit around and cry all day cause you will end up hurting yourself more. Thats what i do anyway, i look at her picture beside my bed and tell her i love her and miss her everyday and i get up and do what needs to get done, because that's what my Pailey would want not to see her mommy crying everyday and being sad and depressed she would want me to focus on doing her proud if shes looking down on me i want her to be proud of me. And my husband and i when its time we will try again.its hard everyday to deal with the pain and hurt feels like your heart is smashed, but there is a little angel looking over you everyday i pray your pain gets easier and i am sorry youre hurting. Im sorry we both are, im sorry so many women are. Its an awful awful feeling. And it wont go away.
I can relate so much to your post. We feel the same way.