Normal? What is normal? There's nothing normal about our situation so how in the world can we act normal? We're through the looking-glass here. I say whatever gets you through the night (or day) is all right.

We chose to have Graham cremated. I have cradled his ashes and rocked him in the rocking chair. I have held his ashes and danced to Florence and the Machine in defiance to this gut-wrenching, soul-sucking experience. My parents are treating us to a trip to Mexico in the fall. I've been trying to figure out how I can bring some of his ashes to scatter because I keep thinking, "He never got to see the ocean."

Who am I to say what's normal?

normal is maybe not the right word (Im Icelandic). I meant if you all can relate....

Karny, you did use the right word. I was trying to say that I can relate. Sometimes I miss my baby so much it's hard to breathe. I do some things that anyone other than another loss mom would probably think are crazy. I think whatever you need to do to feel connected to your little girl is ok. And if looking at her picture is too hard for you right now, that's ok too. Be gentle with yourself and do what you need to do to get through each day.

Karny, I'm glad you shared this. My son died in November and I have yet to even look at the picture. It is still in the bag the hospital gave us along with his cap and his Teddy bear and his blanket. I look at the bag and for some reason I just cant. I just break down and become hysterical like it just happened. Looking at those things really reminds me how beautiful he was and how sorry I am he didn't get to have the life he deserves. I have thrown myself into any kind of work possible lately to try to keep myself sane. Its as if by not looking at it i could imagine him alive in some beautiful place. Just not with us. I don't know when but I will eventually look at it. Until then I try to be patient with myself. I have been through alot. So have you. So have all of us here. Grieve any way that you need. Hugs to you and so sorry for your loss.

I thought the exact same thing recently. I've been visiting my angels grave every day since she's been buried. Sometimes I'd even visit twice. I make sure there's fresh flowers on it as soon as the old ones are starting to die so don't worry your not the only one. The way I look at it is that I can't do all the things you normally do with your newborn baby like dressing her and feeding her and That drives me crazy so if visiting her grave, talking about her and thinking about her is all I can do then I'm defiantly gonna do it. Do whatever helps.

Yeah your normal. :) I think its sweet that you visit your babys grave every chance you can get. I hope it will help you heal. It is very hard seeing our babys that way. I remember looking at my sons picture for the first time and all I did was cry too. Your doing good. Go to her grave as much as you feel you need to. big ((((hugs))))

We lost our son Oliver dec 31, we had him cremated and here at the house with us because I couldn't bear the thought of him not being with us...and if we had him buried I know I would be there every single day as well. There is nothing wrong with you.

I think you're fine. Everybody grieves their own way and you should do whatever gives you comfort at the time. Whatever feels right...I don't think you can do anything abnormal at this time. Your loss is still so very new and I'm so so so sorry that it happened. But I talk to my little boy all the time. I tell him I love him and I kiss his pictures. I even bought him things at the holidays...like Easter I bought a stuffed animal bunny and at Halloween I brought a pumpkin to his little grave. I took pictures of my oldest son and my dog dressed up in Halloween costumes beside his grave. I'm sure some people thought I was crazy but it made me feels good so I don't really care.

As far as the pictures I think you may get the strength to look at them in the future. I finally was able to frame one and put it beside my bed. And occasionally my oldest son will take it and put it beside his bed. Don't rush yourself though....take your time, one step at a time. One minute at a time some days. Hugs and loves. Jessie

When I first lost my son, I wanted to go to the cemetery all the time. I guess I felt like it would keep me close to him. As time passed, it had the opposite effect on me. I didn't want to go anymore. Maybe it's because the reality sunk in and I didn't want to feel the pain of having to visit him there. It made me mad that everyone else got to buy presents for their children and watch their school recitals, etc. and I have to visit my son in a cemetery and buy him things that will go on his grave. My nieces had a baptism, my son had a funeral. It still angers me.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to the situation we're in so you just do what is right for you. If you want to go to the cemetery everyday, then you go ahead and do it. Things will get easier to live with, but in the meantime, take care of yourself however you need to. ((Hugs))