Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
Last night, I sat on the bathroom floor and cried for an hour. It wasn't one of those breakdowns where you can control what is happening, the tears just wouldn't stop. I can see myself pulling away from everyone and everything; it started with acquaintances, who I could not bear to speak to or maintain such meaningless chatter, then extended to leaving the house, which I can barely manage anymore, and now I can feel it happening with actual friends and loved ones. The only thing keep me tethered to the world is my children who are still here, and I am afraid that that too will wither away. So many stories I have read and posts I have seen reveal a relationship with God, and finding strength there, and the general acceptance people have for God's will. I had a strong relationship with God when my father had a stroke and passed away a few days later, but I do not have that anymore. I do not understand why God would punish me by taking away my baby, and I am angry. So many people have said that they do not know God's plan, but they simply accept that we do not know God's reasonsI do not think that is enough for me. I don't want a relationship with a God that I am angry with, but I am afraid to let go totally because it's nice to know He is there. I don't know how people have found the strength to go on with their lives or their faithI guess I am at some breaking or growing pointhard to know which. Thanks for readingNicole
deleted_user
I pulled away from everyone also. I lost my daughter henlee on sept 27. I am still waiting for the me I used to be to come back. I am very angry with everything including God. I have never been a very religious person and now even less. I find myself being very angry of women that I know that have gotten to take there babies home. Maybe that is jealousy. My best friend had a baby a month before I had henlee and I cant even go see him. It makes me feel horrible but I cant put myself in that situation right now. I cant tell you what to do because I know that the way I deal with it is wrong. I feel that most days I am walking through life numb. I dont want to be the angry hateful person I have become and I hope the old happy me will come back. I wish the best for you and hope that we both will again find peace and happiness.
Secretkeeper2
Thank you for being so honestI hope we can both find peace and happiness as well. xo, Nicole
deleted_user
Will always be honest. I wish I could sugar coat the situation but none of us will heal without honesty.
mzjitt
I understand your spiritual struggle, as I am in a bit of a crisis of faith myself. I have been through some tough times in my life and have had some hard losses, but through them all I maintained a rock solid faith in God that gave me such peace and strength. BUT, when I lost my baby at 38 weeks in May, my faith was rocked to the core. It has been hard for me to go to church, and all of my anger has been focused at God. I just don't understand how He could let something this horrific happen to me or any of us. There are just some things in life that we will never understand. Even through my anger I choose to try and hold on to my faith. Some days are definitely harder than others. My therapist told me that it is okay to be angry at God and that He understands and can take it. It was so helpful hearing that my anger was normal. Faith is a choice and sometimes that choice is difficult to make, but God understands. Take all the time you need to feel what you feel. Prayer has really helped me. I approach it just like a conversation and I have told God several times how angry and disappointed I am that he allowed me to lose my son. I actually felt much better when I expressed my feelings. I hope this helped a bit.
Secretkeeper2
It did, for sureThank you
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