Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
I havent been back to this message board in a long time, but the messages and stories on here helped me through the toughest time in my life. It has been just about 4 years since my daughter, Emily, left us. My water broke on February 22, 2011 and she had to be delivered due to infection she was born sleeping on February 23rd. It feels like a world awaya completely different life. I think of her everyday, and the time leading up to her angelversary has been though. Each day like a scene in that horrible time. Honestly the anticipation of the date is the hardest part.
We have since added twin boys to our family conceived the day before Emilys first angelversary. Emily also has a 6-year-old sister. So this year, as I started to think what we would do to remember our girl, I reflected on how far we have come. Usually, we go to the cemetery, bring flowers and just spend a few minutes with our girl. This year, I wanted to do something more. I wanted to try to honor her memory by reaching out to people who may still be in the throws of grief.
By the way the grief never ends, it just stings a bit less over time. So here are my words of wisdom to those of you who cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. IT WILL GET BETTER for those of you walking in a fog THE FOG WILL LIFT. You will always miss your child; no rainbow baby will take his or her place. It is OK to miss your child I miss my daughter every single day. Every time I hear her name, every time I see her footprints that we have in a frame in a living room and every time I see my oldest daughter playing with something girly, wondering what it would have been like for her to play with her sister. So from someone who has been in your shoes just know that it does get better. I know that no words can comfort someone who has lost a child, because all you want is that child back. However, maybe knowing that there is HOPE can offer some comfort. I have made it through, battered and bruised, but I have made it through.
In no way, shape, or form do I have my act together. It took a long time to deal with my grief (still dealing, by the way), to get over anxiety issues (still trying to do that, too) but there will be a time when that fog lifts and the grief hurts just a little bit less. Use the support system you have with this message board, your family and trust in yourself that there is a rainbow somewhere at the end of this storm.
We have since added twin boys to our family conceived the day before Emilys first angelversary. Emily also has a 6-year-old sister. So this year, as I started to think what we would do to remember our girl, I reflected on how far we have come. Usually, we go to the cemetery, bring flowers and just spend a few minutes with our girl. This year, I wanted to do something more. I wanted to try to honor her memory by reaching out to people who may still be in the throws of grief.
By the way the grief never ends, it just stings a bit less over time. So here are my words of wisdom to those of you who cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. IT WILL GET BETTER for those of you walking in a fog THE FOG WILL LIFT. You will always miss your child; no rainbow baby will take his or her place. It is OK to miss your child I miss my daughter every single day. Every time I hear her name, every time I see her footprints that we have in a frame in a living room and every time I see my oldest daughter playing with something girly, wondering what it would have been like for her to play with her sister. So from someone who has been in your shoes just know that it does get better. I know that no words can comfort someone who has lost a child, because all you want is that child back. However, maybe knowing that there is HOPE can offer some comfort. I have made it through, battered and bruised, but I have made it through.
In no way, shape, or form do I have my act together. It took a long time to deal with my grief (still dealing, by the way), to get over anxiety issues (still trying to do that, too) but there will be a time when that fog lifts and the grief hurts just a little bit less. Use the support system you have with this message board, your family and trust in yourself that there is a rainbow somewhere at the end of this storm.
But I agree with you that the pain does become less painful, you cry less, you live your life more, you learn to function and deal with it all.
I still from time to time have baby envy but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be and I can be around other children and go to baby showers without breaking down. Some days are very bad and the memories or thoughts of how how life would be with her here and how old she would be especially when I see my friends who I was pregnant with have their children which were all girls btw.
It is a working progress but life does go on and the pain in your heart and pit in your stomach lessens. But you will always miss your angel baby. They will always be a part of you. So embrace the visions or whatever reminds you and makes you think of them. And know that they want you to be happy here on earth.
At first I felt guilty for laughing or being happy but now I embrace it.
Remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
My prayers to you... again thank you for sharing and thank you for the comfort words.
It took me 6 months until I was better and didn't have severe depression. I cried every night at first then it turned to only a few times a week then once a week then once a month and once every 6 months and now when I think of her I can be happy but I still miss her dearly.
Best wishes to you as well. It is a journey and it takes time to heal but good will come from it, you will be able to help others in their dyer need for help when the suffer tragedies.
God bless!