Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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Trigger....

jlorellana1991
jlorellana1991
Today I am helping a friend move into her new apartment. Because I just lost Madeline a month ago my OBGYN says she doesn't want me lifting anything over 15lbs. My friend understands this and is not upset that I won't be able to help much. Last night while we were discussing what was going to happen today she told me she had a special job that she wanted me to do. She told me she wants me to put up a wall decoration in her 7 month old daughters room. I immediately got upset and I could tell she didn't quite understand why. I had to explain to her that it would be too hard for me to decorate her daughters nursery when I will never get the chance to decorate Madeline's. I am not sure how I feel about helping her now because I feel like I will have a break down but my husband and I are going anyway. I know she didn't mean to be insensitive and she probably thought she was helping me by giving me something fun to do but it was definitely a trigger for me.
Hollywood8687
Hollywood8687
This got to me recently too. I have a lot of triggers. I was very sick today, had to go to urgent care, got multiple Caths to tell if I was dehydrated, and accused that the dehydration was my fault. I can't beleive it but I was even asked to go to a baby fair recently! I can't beleive this person would do this. How rude of the person to ask me because they knew what I have been through. I can't beleive anyone would expect us to do things like this! It's like elementary logic that we don't want to join in on baby oriented things after a loss. Why don't people understand? I don't get it. It's like asking someone how their parents are when their parents just died. That's what I'd compare it to. It's just so inconsiderate.
fuzzypeach9
fuzzypeach9
It's very hard to be around anything baby for quite a while after losing your own precious little one. Only mothers who have lost a baby fully understand how inconsolable our grief is. You're probably right, your friend was probably trying to be helpful and she may well be horrified that she upset you. Good for you for having the strength to explain why you were upset, that's not always an easy thing to do. Hang in there and best wishes
Rochelle43
Rochelle43
This is totally understandable. I couldn't be around anything baby for a very long time. I'm sure your friend meant no harm, but it's normal for this to trigger some emotions in you. It hasn't been very long at all for you. Don't feel bad that you couldn't do it. No one should expect you to, especially after realizing how much it bothers you.
jlorellana1991
jlorellana1991
Thank you ladies. I am glad I have people to talk to now who understand. Yesterday my friend apologized, and said she didn't mean to upset me. She also made sure I didn't see any baby stuff that would be a trigger for me. But I feel like she still doesn't quite understand why it upsets me so bad, because some of the comments she made throughout the day. I could just be really sensitive over it all and over thinking but a couple times it felt like she didn't want me there because it was too awkward.
Marthar1201
Marthar1201
Agree with other angel mommies. There will always be triggers. I work in a daycare I avoid the infant room. I
work with pre-k. But when I was pregnant with my son Eli, there were other mommies who were pregnant all
And their do dates all close by mine due date..... It was a total of 5 of us.... They all had their babies except for me.... There are times when I see the parents walking on the hallwY with their babies and it completely breaks my heart. I was never able to congratulate them for their babies as I was in a deep depression and couldn't tolerate happy mommies around me. Little by little it will be easier.... Not better but easier to handle situations. Hugs your way. And know we are always here, we understand you.
princessevelyn
princessevelyn
It's always going to be difficult for us angel mommies. It's also difficult for me to ask my pregnant coworkers how they are doing every time I have to pass them in the hallway or during a meeting. I know it's not their fault but I can't help but feel so jealous that they still have their babies and mine is gone. I still clench my fist when I have to see a pregnant woman or a newborn baby. The first type of therapy for me when I first lost Evelyn and was home on disability was I had to fix her room. I painted it pink and put up decorations. It somehow made me feel a little bit better because I wanted ther to be acknowledged and thougtht of. I still purchase things here and there for me and I know she will never wear them or be able to have them, but I want her to know that mommy is always thinking about her. I'm sending you tons of love and hope.