Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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2.5 months, the storm is still herr

Nherzog
Nherzog

Hello everybody,


I want to say I'm so extremely sorry for all of your loses. I wish this pain and emptiness on nobody. I have been reading post I  this group for about 2 months now, and I finally feel ready to put my story out there.


August 5. 2017 I woke as normal feeling more and more excited that my baby boy would be here any day now. I was 39w5d pregnant and awaiting a beautiful baby boy. I noticed he was not moving in the morning, tried to stay calm and do some exercises to "wake him up". I thought he just didn't have room seeing as his due date was 3 days away. When my husband came home for lunch I told him I was worried and we went to the hospital.


"I'm sorry we can't find a heart beat" My entire world came crashing down. I didn't want to believe it, after a problem free pregnancy....how could this happen.


That same evening I was induced and what was suppose to be the happiest day of my life turned into the worse. On August 7 I gave birth to my beautiful sleeping baby boy Luca Antoine Herzog. He was perfect and as I did skin to skin contact I was praying for a miracle. I hoped that he would start to suddenly cry. My husband and I spent 5 hours with him.


Walking out of the hospital without my baby was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. 2.5 months have passed and I think about him everyday. I ask myself why? What could I have done different? Was I too later back about my perfect pregnancy? Why us? Now I'm mad! I'm mad at all the women who didn't try for a baby and got to bring theirs home. The women who take their kids for granted. I know I shouldn't be mad but we tried for 1 year and when we finally conceived we felt complete we were finally got to start our family and it got ripped away from us! I feel robbed.


Reading other posts helps to know that we are not alone. Does anyone have advice on how to get through this hell or a success story of their rainbow baby. We would like to start trying again. I have got the okay from my doctor, I still feel lost and scared. Thanks for reading my story and I'm sending love and light to all of you who have had to go through this


nholden
nholden
I'm so sorry for you, your husband, and Luca - what a beatiful name. But thank you for sharing your story. I hope I'll be able to share mine some time, but it still feels like a horrible nightmare. I also cannot begin to understand how a completeley perfect pregnancy could turn out like this. How a heartbeat can be there one day and gone the next. I totally agree that I have negative feelings towards women who are blissfully ignorant and get to take their babies home. But maybe one good thing is we will never take our children for granted, even if it is just the few months we had with them. I'm sorry I can't offer any advice on trying again as we just lost our baby a few days ago. I hope you find the strength to continue, but I also wonder if the fear of this loss will ever go away for us. Sending love back to you.
TooBeautifulForEarth
TooBeautifulForEarth
We lost our angel babies just one day apart. Our sweet Ian Joseph was born August 8th 2017 at 36 wks. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I can totally relate to being mad... I go through so many different emotions but anger seems to be a strong one. I avoid other women who are pregnant. I just want to go up to them and tell them about this tragic thing that could happen that no one EVER tells them about. How does this happen to so many woman yet there is zero education?! That infuriates me.

I've really just been searching for someone to chat with. I have two daughters (Ian was our first boy!) and my husband works out of town a lot.. plus I work full time.. so I don't have time to go to counseling or attend meetings. If you'd like to chat you can message me here! I'd love to hear more about your sweet Luca!

Also, we plan to try again but i developed a blood clot postpartum so I have to go through some testing before we get the 'all clear' to try again.

Again, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I wish this pain upon no one. Your little Luca will watch over you always and wait for you to return to heaven where you'LL be reunited!
Nherzog
Nherzog
nholden
Please know we are all here for you! Im so sorry for your loss, not having an answer is one of the worst parts!!! You are already doing better then I was in the first few day after Luca. The only person I could talk to was my husband and my mother in law. Please feel free to message me whenever you would like. I might not have advice but I always have a open heart and a listening ear.
Sening love and light to you and your family
all4tito
all4tito
so sorry to hear about your loss.....please do not beat yourself up about it....its nothing you did or didn't do.....I still feel the pain of losing my baby boy at 41 weeks in June but with the help of God, I have started moving on....went back to work this week....I found reading my Bible and listening to messages of hope has really helped. I have read testimonies of women who have gone on to have more babies after a still birth and so I have faith that I will have another live baby....do the tears still come...yes they do but I do not allow myself to linger in that mood for long....take each day at a time and allow God to minister to you. if you can get a Bible- read Isaiah 53 :4-5....those verses have been my golden verses....keep keeping on....it is not over....lots of love to your family....I know we will get through this and the sun will definitely shine again and it will be forever .....amen....
InMemoryOfDylan
InMemoryOfDylan
Oh I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious angels. I can’t imagine the extreme anguish you are going through to have carried to full term at 39 and 42 weeks and to lose your baby do suddenly. Two weeks ago, I lost my baby Dylan at 31 weeks and it has been terribly devastating to deal with so I can only offer hugs to you all with the extra pain and emotion you are feeling with full term losses.

We can only ask ourselves why and beat ourselves up with the ‘what ifs’ but the reality is we might never know why our children were not ready for this world. They will forever be in our hearts and I am consoled by the fact that our kids will have playmates in heaven until we all are ready to see them again.