It's been over a year since I gave birth to my stillborn baby. I went in on a Tuesday morning to be induced. Every thing was fine. Hours pass before I start pushing. There where complications with my epidural, it took 4 tries till she got it right. I thought that was gonna be the worst part. As time goes on, I'm in hard labor and my doctor freezes, looks at me and says "oh shit" that's when I knew something wasn't right, obviously. I started hemorrhaging out of my uterus. I was bleeding out. As far as I knew, I was dying. They wored for hours trying to save me. Anyways, during them attempting to get my bleeding under control, I'm in and out of consciousness from the loss of blood and maybe pain..I don't remember too much. I do remember waking up at one part to them digging at my uterus with 4 metal rods sticking out of me. I filled up a whole trash bag full of blood. But never once did I think "what's happened to my baby" even though it's been so long, I still hate myself for being so inconsiderate. Hours pass, they finally get my bleeding under control. They gave me multiple blood transfusions. The next day I wake up wanting to see my baby. I can't even remember what I said when she told me he didn't make it. I just remember feeling like I was falling off a cliff. I had almost died with my baby. Sometime's I wished I had. But I have a 4 year old son, he's the reason I'm even here today. At first I questioned my faith. But then something snapped and I realized I needed to trust God. I need to trust Him. But as the time has went by, it has not gotten easier. It's "easier" to hold it in until nobody is looking. I can't even close my eyes without going back there. It's constant torture. I'm traumatized by the whole situation. My husband and I where split up at the time of the birth, he wasn't there. Therefore he just doesn't understand what I'm going through. He doesn't feel what I feel. He can't even fathom the whole situation, nor can i..and I was there. I'm here hoping to talk to someone that has gone through something similar. I'm doing this alone, and have been since the day it happened. And I think I'm starting to lose it. It's really hitting, and I feel completely alone. If any of you have any advice, I'm all ears. It's 6 am and I haven't been asleep, I've been up all night trying to find a decent support group. If you've read this, please give me some advice, or even share your story.
I have been whavin issues with mania while being pregnant. I understand that its normal, however I'm wondering if anyone has some helpful advise on dealing with it. I am 17 weeks pregnant and not taking meds as I am very high risk. My Drs just tell me to take meds which just isn't an option.
I'm am 24 weeks today. We found out at 18 weeks that our baby isn't going to make it. The heart is defected and is not pumping blood to the other organs. Without the other organs functioning, or even growing, they have said she is not compatible with life. I go to ultrasounds every week. 2 doctors every 3-4 days to see if the baby's heart is still beating. She is still fighting right now, but...