Step Families Support Group

Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.

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Amy522 06/01/2008

I recently got married and now have 2 stepchildren that I love. I have been with DH for 3 years now and the entire time I have had a good relationship with his ex-wife. We would meet for drinks, shopping, even went on a weekend getaway with the kids and our boyfriends. I was the one to tell her we were getting married and she seemed supportive. I involved her in many parts of the planning process (fittings, etc) and I felt comfortable inviting her to the wedding and reception. Boy, was I wrong! I have a great relationship with my SD and teach her things and show her things that her mom doesn't. I expect both kids to shower daily and do their hair. So on the wedding day she doesn't even speak or look at me or my parents (which she had met previously). She proceeded to get drunk at the reception and hang all over my in-laws (her former in-laws) She even had the nerve to ask my sister-in-law who was a BRIDESMAID "You don't really like HER do you?" I am so angry and hurt and feel stupid for ignoring everyone's warnings about exwifes. How do I deal with her now? My husband is supportive but he is kind of stuck.

deleted_user 06/01/2008

I suggest you forgive her and let it go. The children will learn from how you handle this situation. If you hold onto anger they will hold onto anger. Teach them to be better people, so they learn to be happy instead of angry.

Thriver 06/01/2008

Maybe she was ok with it, but when you replaced her as the wife, she could not go that far. The fact that she got drunk sounds like she was hurting.
If you feel you really were friends, talk to her and ask her about it. I don't agree with what she did, but try your best to withhold judgement and give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was really trying for it not to matter to her, and she lost that battle and her real feelings spilled out. But you are still going to have to have an ongoing relationship, so it's best to try to fix it than to write it off and think the worst.

Amy522 06/01/2008

Thanks--those are both great advice!!

deleted_user 06/02/2008

You will see this to be true. She has shown you once dont fall for it again. When they are being nice. There is a reason for it. Honey you dont have to deal with her. Ignore her like she is nothing or no one. Because in your life she really is no one. She is the mother of your SK and thats as far as it goes. She will try to control your lives and cause trouble ignore her and let life be her teacher. Life is far more crueler than you or I could ever be.

deleted_user 06/02/2008

Has she apologized and sounded sincere when doing so? If, not then don't bother with her. Only go as far as you need to to keep it civil.

deleted_user 06/02/2008

I am sorry things turned out like that at your wedding. Sometimes people think they are ok with things, but when it happens they discover they really aren't and emotions get the best of them.

I would let it go. I don't know that I would even address it with her. She knows what she did and hopefully is embarrassed by her behavior. I would suggest that because of the display that maybe your "friendship" be a bit more limited and maybe not so close at least for a while.

Also, how you handle it will set the tone for future conflicts.

deleted_user 06/02/2008

I'd ignore it now. It's over and nobody will blame you. She made a fool of herself - not you.

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