I never did a single load until I moved out and lived on my own. Takes about 5 minutes to learn. (Throw everything in together with a colorcatcher and turn the machine on.) Beyond that....it's preference. Now my kids have been doing it since about 6, but again, I won't say that I showed them......more that I let them do it and make mistakes.

I really don't think chores or the lack of them, make much of a difference. The people that I know that have done well in life, have gotten their because after their failures, they tried something else.....until something worked.

The ones that got destroyed by their failures, drank themselves into oblivion. It was what they did to themselves that destroyed them.

Does the girl want anything for future?

She says she wants to travel, so she is leaning towards Navy. She enjoys fashion.

I guess I was raised completely different than most. My mother and grandmother taught me respect for all around me. Skills to prepare me for the world outside of their home. And helped me work towards goals so I didn't struggle.

http://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/responsibility-and-chores/part-i-benefits-of-chores/

Dear RoseRed811,

Thank you for the article. This is exactly what I am trying to say. I don't like being the rude SM, nor do I enjoy being upset with my SD. But her not having any responsibility not just in our home but her mothers as well isn't helping her in her life goals. And it does put a strain on both households. Her own mother hates the fact that her daughter is lazy and filthy. I am not over reacting I think when I find things like used tampons in her room in a drawer. I don't go searching for stuff to complain about when It comes to my SD. I don't have a choice but to find the awful smell that seems like it could be a dead animal.
I have a medically challenged child and my father is going through chemo, both of them live here and deserve to have the best environment possible for them to remain healthy.
My SD rather lock herself in her room so she can be on her phone or computer and eat all weekend rather than be part of the family outside of her bedroom walls. She has no structure, responsibilities nor does she care to. I have to believe that this has been one of the many reasons why she is struggling to succeed as a student, friend or even sibling.
My biggest point is I made my expectations very clear 3 years ago about her pulling her own weight in cleaning her room. This is all I ask her to do. I would love that she does her own bloody stained clothes but I can manage that on my own. She once went an entire year without cleaning any of her laundry.....
She claims she doesn't feel like she part of any family in either home, yet she does nothing to try to be part of the families. At what point does a parent hold a child (young adult) responsible for their own wrongs?

SD should have a job to pay her cell bill. She is required to keep her area clean and help around the house. If the parents don't make these demands, she will continue to take advantage of them and you. It seems as if she has no respect for any of you. I'm sure she knows that she should work for what she has because she interacts with other people her age and she must know that everyone does not get a free ride. Her parents need to explain that once she is 18, she has to work for what she wants. Adult rights are part of adult responsibilities.

Amen......

It's been almost a month since you posted and I hope SD has decided to be responsible now that she is 18.

Hello All,
I am just reading the posts from last month about SD and SM. This situation cannot be easy as I am a SM also and have dealt with issues similar. My SD ended up going back to live with her mom because the rules were very lenient and she knew she could get away with stuff. Our home showed structure, but what child likes structure, although they need it. I can say that I do believe chores are important. It doesn't matter how many chores you give a child, it teaches them responsibility and how to work together as a family to keep the house in order. This will go a along way in their adulthood.

On another note, I have been in this SM role for 11 years and it gets easier, but still has its challenges. I have chosen to pick and choose the battles that used to get to me and realize that I cannot change anyone. I would like to be respected and treated like an elder human being.

Until Next Time.....

Thank you.....