Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
My husband's ex wife told him his girls don't think he loves them, is hard on them and yells at them.
He is the most mild mannered person I have ever seen in my life. He NEVER yells at them. Even when they talk back to him, cry and yell, yes, they yell at him.
He tried to have a conversation with them and they shut him out completely. They told him he was mean and that I was mean to them too. He asked for an example. The youngest one is angry with me because one day I told her she was making poor food choices for someone with colitis. That day she refused to eat anything but a sugary snack.
Wow, I am such a mean person because I care about her health. I told my husband that I am done with all their nonsense. I needed a break from them. I was happy they are going to their Mom's house for the weekend. We woke up and the older daughter "claimed" she was sick. He asked if she could stay home with me(I work from home) and I told him how I really needed the time but would do it. She came in 10 minutes later asking if I could drop her off at 3pm so she could go to the circus. I snapped. I said why are you going to the circus if you're sick? I went out and asked her father the same question, thinking he sent her in to ask. He said to me, "that is something I should have said." Which is why I was angry he hadn't. I said, "I guess I am just a mean person." and left the room to calm down.
My youngest SD came in and said "are you mad at me?" I told her no, I am upset because she keeps saying we are being mean to them when we are not. I also said, she keeps going to her mother to complain about her father without even talking to him. How is he suppose to fix anything if you refuse to talk with him. So he came in at that moment, and told me his oldest came in to ask me that on her own. He also tried to talk to his youngest, and she refused and ran away crying.
This is the first time I have ever blown up at all. I am over all this crap when in my opinion, we have been nothing but good to his girls. I would defend him to the death as one of the greatest father's I have ever seen.
I suggested he needs to go to counseling with his 2 girls. He wants to. They are refusing. They also want to live at their mom's but it will crush him.
What should we do? HELP!
He is the most mild mannered person I have ever seen in my life. He NEVER yells at them. Even when they talk back to him, cry and yell, yes, they yell at him.
He tried to have a conversation with them and they shut him out completely. They told him he was mean and that I was mean to them too. He asked for an example. The youngest one is angry with me because one day I told her she was making poor food choices for someone with colitis. That day she refused to eat anything but a sugary snack.
Wow, I am such a mean person because I care about her health. I told my husband that I am done with all their nonsense. I needed a break from them. I was happy they are going to their Mom's house for the weekend. We woke up and the older daughter "claimed" she was sick. He asked if she could stay home with me(I work from home) and I told him how I really needed the time but would do it. She came in 10 minutes later asking if I could drop her off at 3pm so she could go to the circus. I snapped. I said why are you going to the circus if you're sick? I went out and asked her father the same question, thinking he sent her in to ask. He said to me, "that is something I should have said." Which is why I was angry he hadn't. I said, "I guess I am just a mean person." and left the room to calm down.
My youngest SD came in and said "are you mad at me?" I told her no, I am upset because she keeps saying we are being mean to them when we are not. I also said, she keeps going to her mother to complain about her father without even talking to him. How is he suppose to fix anything if you refuse to talk with him. So he came in at that moment, and told me his oldest came in to ask me that on her own. He also tried to talk to his youngest, and she refused and ran away crying.
This is the first time I have ever blown up at all. I am over all this crap when in my opinion, we have been nothing but good to his girls. I would defend him to the death as one of the greatest father's I have ever seen.
I suggested he needs to go to counseling with his 2 girls. He wants to. They are refusing. They also want to live at their mom's but it will crush him.
What should we do? HELP!
You two sound like a great team and seem to have rules and good intent. Kids will try to use anything and everything to manipulate parents to avoid getting parented properly.
My therapist suggested to have all punishment/parenting left to me, the bioparent, in our household. He said my SO can mention to kids if he sees rules being broken " mom said not to do so and so" and if they dont comply to let me know and then i would enforce.
You are in a tough situation, no doubt. Counseling sounds like a good idea and i know you said the kids dont want to go, but i guess we have to make our kids do things they dont like, but that are good for them long term. Hope your husband holds his own.
Hugs
My dad & stepmom never let drama step in.. so they went on with their rules and stuff and paid no attention to any talks of being mean. As the kids it was still hard to go home to mom, but after awhile everything settled down.
Be strong with your husband, talk openly with your SDs and don't worry about anything the ex says. Good luck!!
We forced the girls to talk to us this past Sunday. IT took 45 minutes of him talking before they said one word. They also yelled at him for about 10 minutes as he remained calm. Turns out, they were being mean to me because the blamed me for all of the changes that took place. He told them it was all from him. The younger one understood and said she wanted to stay living with us. The older one wasn't as forthcoming but she did say she wanted to stay here too.
They went to their Mother's so I hope when they come back it will be the same attitude. That would be great.
I hope things get better!