do what i do and have done try some tough love!! but you can be upset all you want , we all have done for our older teen & adult childern, like i have raised my stepdaughter as my own for 23 yrs .. its been 3 years since she hasnt stepped foot in our house for her own reason;'s not mine ! when they are at that age they are focused on 1 thing !! and that is them ! its a stage they go threw mom & dad and everyone in the imated family are blocked out , Girls and Buds are in !! Only way to not be upset is to be more Undertanding , but it wouldnt hurt to remind him where he came fromo!! and what he got and how! and that there are teens his age out there that are less unfortchant to show a lil Appriaction

Sorry that you feel that way. What you have said about your stepson saddens me. I hope that I can help shed some light on your situation so his behaviors don't spiral out of control. I am a step child and feel like there are a lot of people in mine and your situation. I can probably share a lot of light on what your step son is feeling and going through, because I am going through very similar issues. I am very blunt and hope you are not offended by what I am writing. I know that being a step parent is not easy and requires a lot of hard work. I have a step mom and the one thing I have learned is that we share a unique kind of love. I love my step mom for what she has done for my father and for who she is, but it's not the same as a mothers love. I feel like there are different types of love for different types of parents. Biological parents are responsible for creating the child and giving them their genetic makeup. "Birth parents" that have raised the kids from birth have developed a connection to who the kids are. As a stepparent of an older child there's not a lot of upbringing and there is less connection to one another. There is also no sense of undying love for each other. This might be becasue the child comes from a broken home deels insecure, and/or from a step parent who hasen't had a history full of positive expereinces. Whatever the reason the relationship between stepparent and child is different. As a step parent your less likely to be viewed as neutral when it comes to choosing sides. You are someones sounding board and so you are automatically viewed as a meddler or mediator. Sossie, your not going to your stepsons basketball game sounds hurtful to me. I think that a (step) mother should try to encourage healthy relationships, even if it means a long drive and sacrificing one's pride. Holding grudges is childish behavior and you have to be an example of how to get over bad behavior. I also think it's important to remain nuetral and nonjudgemental whenever possible. You may know how your spouse feels, but you don't know how the child feels. You don't know whether, or not the child would've still wanted to have his dad at his game without any money involved. Teenagers don't usually want their parents around in front of their friends so I think there were other reasons for wanting his father at his basketball game. Your stepson just might want to make his dad proud and be proud to have his dad watch his game. I can't tell you the number of times I wanted my dad to make the effort to come over and hang out with me. My dad never made plans to hang out. Instead it was always that I needed to go to some "family" event or holiday, where we never got to spend any quality time together. I didn't like going to family events, especially since I felt like I was in a room full of strangers and only going for my father. I would've liked more time and effort from my dad. I would've liked him to make more of an effort throughout the year to get together. Instead of making false financial promises I would've liked him to promise to spend time together and keep his word. Since my stepmom isn't neutral she doesn't know how I feel or what I need. Like you she and my father retaliate against my "bad behavior". Which isn't teaching me how to let go of things and it's childish behavior. It's an endless cycle of judgements and misunderstanding. you don't want to be an evil stepmom, so my advice is to stay out of his relationship with his son. Don't add fuel to the fire.

lessjess, I totally understand what you are saying. I think maybe I wasn't enitrely clear on my above post and for that I am sorry.
My husband has never had much of a relationship with his son. He was very young when he had him and was never in his life.
I have only ever encouraged a relationship between the two. The only reason I was upset at my step-son is the way he has acting lately. I told my husband to go to the ball game but with his issues he doesn't feel safe there but that is a whole other story.

As far as trying to be a parent, no that is not my role in his life and never will be. I am not his mother nor have I ever tried to act like it. I have tried being his friend and someone who he can talk to if he needs it and he has in the past come to me with problems that he wasn't comfortable talking to his mom about.

But don't worry I didn't take offense at anything you said.

With all thats been said above I can add only one thing.

Stop giving him money. Be polite and all that and certainly attend functions when invited but don't be played for a sucker.