Step Families Support Group

Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.

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shelbyalright 03/11/2015

When the step daughter is here I feel as though I am the other women. The lonely one on the outside looking in. Its not just the lack of affection and attention I am given when she is here. Its the way she does all she can to come in between us. How the conversation is only them two talking. The way she plops right in between us and whines until he rubs her back. The way she rubs his head and he falls asleep. The way I am feel like I am not even there. The way I get up and leave the room so I don't have to see it and feel even worse.
I hate that I feel this way. It makes me feel selfish and mean. So I say nothing.

I hate this feeling.

Is this normal for a 18 year old daughter and her father to have this kind of relationship?

Is it normal for his own son (whose 15) to stress he doesn't like spending time with them because he cant stand how they act together?

Most days I can ignore it, but today.............I cant.

brockblack 03/20/2015

It's hard to make a judgement call without actually seeing it. I'm sorry you feel that way, but honestly try not to harbor ill feelings towards the kid. He is her Dad after-all and the love being parent and child is unique.

shelbyalright 03/23/2015

I agree. I have been doing so much better than I had in the beginning. But I am still working on it.

Thank you

onmymind2000 03/26/2015

I would do a deep self-analysis as to why you are jealous of his daughter. Would it make you feel better if he was a POS deadbeat Dad who never saw his kid?

shelbyalright 03/30/2015

I am not jealous of his daughter.

But thank you for your insight

lightinlv 03/31/2015

This sounds really tough. A family should act inclusive of each other and do their best to not make anyone else in the family feel excluded. I don't think your feelings are unwarranted. To me, it doesn't sound like you're jealous. It sounds more to me like your step-daughter is jealous. All I can say is keep your head up, and forgive yourself for these moments when you feel frustrated. Everyone has a right to feeling like this sometimes.

shelbyalright 04/02/2015

Dear lightinlv,

Thank you so much. I pray often. I don't like having ill feelings towards anyone.

patti22 04/04/2015

What does dad do with her? What kind of attention does he pay to her? Does he go to her games/ events/ or whatever she's involved in? Does he go to her room to talk to her? Do they talk about news events? Does he call her when she's not with him?

It's only disturbing if it's the only way that she can get attention from him.

She might be modeling after you as the only way to get attention from dad. That's a compliment to you.

It's his response that will either make it clear to her or not....that he can love you both at the same time.

hakomi 04/09/2015

My heart goes out to you. I experienced this with my step-daughter. You have needs as much as anyone in that household. I encourage you to talk about boundaries with your spouse so that he and you are on the same page/team. When she plops down in between you, she is clearly manipulating your Dad into fousing on her and ignoring you. I feel it's very important for him to step in and say, 'You need to say 'excuse me' or 'can I sit here? instead of pushing her way inbetween.' She needs to know from your spouse's actions that you are valuable and deserve respect. I'd encourage you to speak up and share your needs and feelings, otherwise it will continue, and resentment will build. Big hugs to you!

shelbyalright 04/11/2015

Thank Hakomi,

I have done all this, shared my feelings....like most men he took it as jealousy. I shared my feelings, that was taken as selfishness.

I am afraid that my feelings of resentment is already there.
To my SD I am only someone who gets in her way and cleans her room and does her laundry.
She has no respect for anyone. Specially me.....

Thank you for your advice :0)

RoseRed811 04/11/2015

Stop cleaning her room and doing her laundry. You are not the maid. She is a grown woman and should be responsible for herself.

shelbyalright 04/14/2015

Dear Rosered811,

If it was only this easy. My son is medically challenged and my father who lives with us has cancer. I cant have health hazards in my home, one day of not cleaning her room becomes just that....a health hazard.

I know it seems like I have no room to complain when I continue to do what I complain about. But I really have no choice. I have to think of everyone else in my home. Simply closing her bedroom door is not benefiting my family.

Thank you...........

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