Step Families Support Group

Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.

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how do I love his kids when I hate his ex

sunsets1386
sunsets1386
Without this being a novel, my husband and I have a 6 month old db daughter. He also has 2 daughters, 3 and 5, with his ex wife. They had been divorced a year before I met my husband. She is very sad bitter and childish and despite being remarried, having a new baby herself, receiving a large childsupport payment, refuses to acknowledge my baby exists and that she is no longer married to my husband. They just finished mediation and my step kids are coming back over this weekend, and I'm so anxious and depressed. Haven't seen them since February and it's been great for me and my baby to bond with her father without them here. They are so needy and rude, just the 5 year old really. Their mother has saiddisturbing and evil things about my baby while I was pregnant, refused to meet me, but expects me to watch her kids like hired help while she sits at home with her new baby, which is why we went back to court. I'm afraid they will hate me now bc who knows what their crazy mom is saying and I'm afraid they will hurt my baby. I'm seeing a therapist buti just wanted to see if anyone had experience or advice on this. Am I evil bc I love my baby and want her dad around her as much as possible during her infancy. I just want so badly to not resent those girls but I do. They get everything they want while my baby suffers. Please help
bonnieboo11
bonnieboo11
Your story sounds a lot like mine, I have been dealing with an ex and step kids for 17 years,I met my husband when his son was 8 and daughter was 3, two different moms, his son was always nice and respectful, never any problems. His daughter was a different story, her mom hated me for taking him away from them, she taught their daughter to call me names,bitch,whore,ect. And I always heard "I don't have to listen to you, you are not my mom".It was pure hell, My husband didn't really do anything except to tell her to stop. Now 17 years later I cant stand her, don't want her around.My advice to you is to set some boundries,She will probably do what her mother tells her to do.Set some house rules.It is not ok to treat/talk to an adult with disrespect. I use to say my stepdaughter treated strangers better than me.BTW my husband and I have a daughter, 11 now and I am very careful about contact between the two. I don't want my daughter influenced by her.You are right to be concerned,I now can not stand his daughter, I don't even refer to her as my stepdaughter.It is your house and while they should be welcomed and comfortable in their fathers home, they should respect the adults.Stand strong, odds are your husband is feeling guilty and gives in to them,
jlh2375
jlh2375
You owe it to yourself to read two books.

Divorce Poison & Step Monster.

They will change your life. It talks about PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) which sounds like what your husband's ex is doing. Remember you both have rights and you can get those children into therapy and try and combat that now.