I am at my wits end.  My new wife and her kids have tried so hard with my 6 year old daughter.  Over the last 2 years my daughter has gone back to her mom with negative comments and information about what happens in our household.  What she is telling her mom is only half-truths and is making herself look like she is not at fault.  Her mom is then eating it right up and coming back at me and my new wife.  She has consistently blamed the kids and disparaged the kids as they are half white half hispanic and she obviously has an issue with this.  My new wife is very protective of her kids as she is all they have - their father is out of the picture by his own choice.  He was very physically and verbally/mentally abusive to not only the kids but their mom (my new wife).  She many times would get in the way and protect the kids and take th beating so now she's so used to reacting to being protective that she gets very upset and protective when someone even says something about the kids.  My daughter has been lying and deceiving me and my wife.  She makes smarmy/smart ass faces as the kids and my wife and all behind my back because she knows she shouldn't be doing it.  I know she knows exactly what she is doing but the kids are done with her behavior and so is my wife.  I am trying to find a way to get her behavior to change, for her to understand this is not good behavior and will not be toloerated.  Her mom is much more loosy-goosy and doesn't realy enforce rules or consequences where I and my wife will.  My wife has been so good with her, she's a former kindergarten teracher and loves children of this age but my daughter has pushed her so hard and so far that she wants almost nothing to do with her.  Just like the kids, they don't want to talk to her or even be around her because of her lies and not knowing what she will go back to her mom with.  It's a trust issue - how do I survive a household which (I have my daughter half the time) when my daughter is there you can cut the tension with a knife and when she's not it's so much more relaxed.  Her children all do have some challenges, 3 are autisitc, one is severe ADHD and very angry at life because of how his dad treated him, one has severe anxiety and the other is well....16...LOL!!  She is one of the autistic ones but add in the teenage hormones and it's not a pretty picture.  They used to want to be a family and they accepted her and helped her and taught her but now they want nothing to do with her. Even my wife is feeling the same.  I have told my daughter if my wife says she is to do something it's the same as daddy saying it but she will roll her eyes or talk back unless I am sitting right there or within ear shot.  I am so frustrated, depressed, anxious and annoyed - what do I do to keep my family together and moving in a positive direction.  I understand her going from just daddy and her to having a bunch of brothers and sisters was a lot for her, but I am also seeing where I messed up in bringing her up and holding her accountable when she wasn't doing what she should have.  I have tried to be there for her but then that also gets my wife irriated because it's like I am rewarding my daughter for acting like this and she is not facing any consequences.  I am thinking of gettig her into some counseling just to help her get back to the joyful, happy bouncy little girl she used to be.  I miss that!  But I have also found the love of my life who treats me better than anyone ever has and my happiness needs to count for something as well...

help!!!!!!!!!