I have a blended family. I have an 11 year old son from a previous marriage, and my husband has a 6 year old daughter from a previous marriage. In the beginning, things were great - as it is for most new relationships. His ex-wife was never around, and he had his daughter 24-7. (The ex left him for the bar life). His daughter adored me (she was 3) mostly because she didn't know what it was like to have a woman around. She was easy to love too. My husband got along great with my son (8 at the time). Once the ex wife found out about me, trouble started immediately. Let the custody battle begin, and it was ugly. His daughter started acting strangely around me, eventually calling me names and not wanting anything to do with me (yes, I know it was not her fault, her mother was putting things in her head) and she also started saying a lot of terrible things about my son. Then her mother started saying horrible things about me and my son in the custody battle. Long story short, my husband actually ended up giving up his custody to her. Our kids do NOT get along at all, and my son has been diagnosed with DMDD (Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder). Yes, this makes things difficult on us, and yes I knew there was something different about my son pretty much since birth (He was always a difficult baby/child, and it has only gotten tougher as he gets older). My husband and I have fought like crazy about my son. He told me he does not like my son and made it perfectly clear that he is NOT WRONG for feeling that way. I don't think anyone is wrong for how they feel, but it hurts, nonetheless. He is very cold towards my son, and doesn't want to be involved in ANYTHING that has to do with him. My son is only 11, but he isn't stupid, I know he feels it. He is not horrible to my son, but it's obvious he doesn't care about him. Now, I believe your spouse should come first, that is how a marriage is supposed to be, and you have to have that strong foundation. It's hard and heartbreaking, but I have delt with it. More recently, he has been talking to his ex-wife a LOT without telling me about it. It's always when I am at work or he is at work, etc., and once when I asked him why he doesn't include me in his decisions (He gives her a  lot of extra money on top of child support and etc and this is MY LIFE TOO) he told me that it is none of my business what he talks to her about and said he doesn't WANT to include me or talk to me about it. (Ouch) once he told me "no one likes you and no-one wants to talk to you" (ouch again). When I asked who all this "no one" is (Cuz the only people he talks to are his ex and his mother) he stuttered and said "Well....me." (Obvious lie) Now, when his daughter comes over on the weekends, he puts her first, no matter what. If my son says anything to her, or even looks at her, he screams at him and tells him to leave her alone. Of course, she caught on to this, and she now whines a lot about my son to try to get him in trouble (Which always works). I have become very resentful of his daughter. I hate having here around even just for the weekends. I have to listen to this incessant whining "daaadddy..." every two minutes all weekend long and watch him contiuously drop everything to cater to her. She is a perfect little princess. Anytime I say anything about her behaviour (she won't do anything for herself, will trash her room and refuse to clean it, etc) he flips out on me and tells me to "shut up", or "stop" or puts a hand in my face. Of course, she sees this too, and she is NOT stupid. If I try to show my husband any affection when she is over (sit by him, hug him, etc) she jumps right up and climbs all over him or sits inbetween us or climbs on his lap, etc. He lets her do this, and I get shoved aside. Now...this is putitng a lot of things lightly, and shortening it up quite a bit. I will tell you my husband is very good to me - when she isn't around and when my son is not around. He makes me dinner every day, (he gets off work before I do), he is very affectionate, buys me flowers for no reason, things like that - but when I have things to do with my son, he wants no part of it- and when his daughter is around, he wants nothing to do with me. Today my son didn't call me after school like he is always supposed to when he gets home. I was concerned, and started calling him. He finally called me 25 minutes late, crying and very upset because he missed his stop on the bus after school. On my next break, I called my husband and and was talking to him about that. He said he knew all about it because my son was texting him from the bus and he was all upset. (I have no cell phone reception at work and my husband works closer to home than I do and my son knows this so he was reaching out to him because he was scared/upset). I said "Oh, I didn't realize he was texting you" (he never even mentioned it) and he said "Yeah, well, he was texting me like I was supposed to do something about it so I just told him 'don't tell me, tell your bus driver and just do what he says' I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do". I shut down right there - that was mean and hurtful. I also know better than to say anything to my husband because he would flip out on me. (I'm never allowed to express any feelings - if I do he threatens to leave me). He started immediately talking about something else and I wasn't answering him because to be honest I didn't evevn hear what he said, I was too hurt and wrapped up with the situation. I just told him my break was over and I had to get back inside. I spent the rest of the day in this realization that he is being so nice to me all the time to make up for hating my son. (Let me be clear, my husband only recently started being really nice to me - maybe two months ago - and I was very weirded out by it at first because I felt like there was about to be a bomb dropped on me - yeah - I didn't trust it, because he has never been one to say or do nice things for/to me) Now I am starting to see why. He is nice to me when it is ONLY us here. When either of the kids are around, I am put on the back burner. Is it possible that he does actually love me? Or am I fooling myself?