If the BM is as bad as you describe, and I'm sure she is as she acting sterotypically, your only effective option is going to be going back to family court.

I'd consider doing this first. Have the BF ask to keep the girl for the upcoming summer vacation. He can negotiate the child support but any reduction should be in writing for his safety. If the BM won't reduce the support pay it. Do not withhold it no matter how unfair you think this is.

Do not even mention that this is an experiment to either the girl or the BM. Just say that now she's not a little girl so now she can stay for a longer time. If she asks about it the best you can do is "We'll see" or whatever.

Its possible the girl will change her mind during the summer. Kids of this age are often running from what they think is a "bad" home life only to find the rules worse at the new home. From their point of view of course.

Don't think that the weekends and short vacations previously have set the tone.

Also you or BF may change your thinking on this matter.

At the end of the summer a decision can be made about going into court.

I have had this conversation with my SSs and H many times. My H has a hard time dropping them off to the "wolves". But... do the kids not have an option as to where they want to live? Sure, they would have to fight to live with dad (most kids do), should they chose to move out of BM's house. If they were your children, wouldn't you be sad if your child wanted to move out? I think it is important to see things from BM's perspective on this. She is desperate not to loose her kids. Even if it looks like the only reason she wants them is child support, I am sure their is more to it than that. Just remember that kids like to say bad things sometimes. Just as we vent, so do they. They need to be able to do that without the parents taking everything literally. Take it all with a grain of salt as it is likely they say things about your house to BM as well. :)

I agree with OC. Give her a taste of what is to come and then see what everyone's feelings are afterward.

I am a bio mom who has full custody of my two children ages 6 and 8. They get one overnight a week and every other weekend from Friday to Saturday with thier dad plus they often get extra days as my work schedule or holidays, etc. come into play.

My ex and the woman he left me for are trying to obtain full custody of my kids and feel they can give them a better home. I am a strict mom with many rules and expectations for my kids. They have no rules, expectations and think they should buy them everything.

My ex feels child support is the only reason I have my kids. This is an unfair statement by many people who have to pay support. His child support is laughable. I waited until I was 27 and married to have kids and was with my husband for 9 years by the time we had kids. He walked away from the family.

I do NOT think the child has a right to chose. They do not know what is best for them at their young ages. It is my responsibility as a parent to teach my children and raise them to be responsible, independent adults. If they were to live with thier dad they would not turn out that way.

I would think that changing custody is an uphill battle because I think a judge would see it as disrupting a child's life. If you really feel it is necessary than go for it but don't make the child make a choice, let the parents make that choice for them. If the bio parents were still together would the child have a choice to live in another household? NO!

Kinoka- I think that you have a very common opion from BM's perspective but do you see how emotional you are being in this? This is why judges have to make the final decision when it comes to child custody. It is clear that you are incredibly hurt by your ex's poor choices as a husband but when he left you... he did not necessarily leave his kids. He has a right to them, just as you do. He does not have to be married to you, to have rights to his children. Once a child is 12 years old (depending on the state), the judge will ask the child's opinion about who they want to live with. I would imagine that one of the first questions asked is, "why do you want to live with your mom/dad?" If the child has a reasonable understanding of both homes, they would be capable of explaining their reasoning. I am not saying that you are wrong AT ALL, so please don't missunderstand what I am saying here. I am simply stating that BOTH sides in a child custody battle are usually right in some ways, but wrong in others. If one is in the right and the other is in the wrong... the judge's job is quite easy. :) Otherwise, as in most common situations, it is a bit more difficult. You are clearly a good mom, but just because your ex was a bad husband (and a really bad one), doesn't mean he is a bad father.