Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
Hello, I really need some advice and help. I have been married for 10 years and my husband has two adult step daughters, (27, and 21) The 21 year old and I had a good relationship (so I thought) if I always agreed with her, but as she grew older she started making poor decisions and we tried to help her but when her dad and I started to express our concern over her, (drinking excessive, spending habits, attitude issues, etc.), we wer shut out of her life unless she wanted something from us or her dad, such as borrowing a truck to move numerous times, and needing money$. I made the mistake of trying to ask her some questions with my husabnd there and she abruptly left and has hated me ever since. I have apologized and now I do not get involved with any of it, my husband and I discuss and we make decision and then he talks with her about it. She does not take anything he says wells and usually screams at thim and calls him names etc. He in the past has not addressed these issues with her as far as being respectful to him and myself. He says he has learned from that and will address these issues now if they come up again. I am at the point where I am stressed out everyday wondering what the next problem is going to be and if it is going to affect our marriage. We do not ever hear from them unless there is a problem, crisis or they need $. I have anxiety to the point where I have a hard time in their presence and do not know what to say or do. I do not want a divorce or to leave my husband but I am certain that I will never be accepted ( I am a complete 180 from what their mom is) and I think they hold alot against me, especially if their dad does not do what they want done, I am always blamed for it. I do not know if I can take anymore, I am so unhappy and contemplating walking away. Any help would be so appreciated... Thank you
I pray that you will be surrounded with God’s peace and things will go well in your family. Please keep us posted.
Your relationship with your stepdaughters will only be as good as what the biological mom encourages it to be.
Don’t get involved in what you think is right for your stepdaughters, it will only justify in their minds why you are the evil stepmom (unless they ask for your opinion) and if they do. Be incredibly impeccable with your words.
Your husband is in a no win situation. When he makes a decision...he’s either going to piss you off or his daughters.
When your husbands daughters are asking for help. Your husband should take a step back and ask himself. Is what he doing teaching the girls, helping them to be better adults. Or is what he doing enabling the bad behavior.
The girls are constantly testing their dad to see if he loves them. They want their dad to choose them over you. They want their dad to come running after them, to prove his love. It’s really sad, it’s all over jealousy and as their wives, we become bitter by the constant rejection.
I don’t want to share my story and make it a competition of who has it worse. I just want you to know, you’re not alone and I know first hand how lonely it can feel at times.
It is important for me to focus on our marriage. I love my husband deeply. I’m working on seeing things from his position and taking myself out of the equation. I pray for the girls nightly and I pray that I can release the anger I hold from all the hurt. I don’t want to be bitter anymore but to be able to truly come from a place of love. It’s certainly not easy, we live in a society full of dysfunction. People thrive on it and hearing how bad someone’s life is. Think about it...ask someone how they are and listen to their response. Sooo, My advise is if you’re able to come from a place of love then that’s the place you should come from.
Let your husband and the girls do what it is they need to do and be a bystander and when feeling low be sure to give yourself permission to feel your feelings and work on some self-care. I would also recommend that you and your husband read the book Co-dependant no more together. It will change your lives!