Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
I know I am lacking in patience from the high stress level in my life at the moment.
But I am really confused as to whether I can maintain the relationship I have with the man I love.
I work, maintain our home, do all cooking, cleaning and help take care of my father who Is going through chemo for esophageal cancer as well as take full responsibility for my young child who is medically challenged. So I can sometimes have a pretty short temper for people who are not pulling their own weight within the walls I live in.
My step daughter hasn't become anymore responsible and he father continues to enable her to be lazy, needy, and whinny.
We have 6 people in this house who all pull their own weight except for her. She will 18 in feb. and barely keeps her room picked up, and will only do that when her father gets on her. I have been able to deal with it for the most part because she moved back to her mother and we only had her for a couple days during the weekend. But we have had her for almost the entire summer due to her needing to go to summer school and being closer to that school so she could attend.
I find myself running out of patience. In the beginning of the summer she tried to maintain a clean room. And kept control of her attitude (which is very moody most of the time). But as the summer went on that soon wore off, which is common with anything she does in life. She will start off strong and then loose interest and go back to being selfish and lazy.
I was really proud of her for staying with summer school, the days were long and tough as she is very behind on her credits needed to graduate this up coming school year. She also tried to maintaining her room somewhat. She has struggled through school for the past couple of years so as far as summer school went this is really her only chance to get caught up.....I gave her slack during this time because she was working towards a goal and that was a lot more important than her room or her attitude. Thank goodness her hard work paid off because she passed summer school.
Now that it has been two weeks since summer school has been out she is back to being lazy and mean.
But not only that, her father has been very defensive if I mention anything about his daughter at all. Which I do not do often because of how defensive they get.
Now he has mentioned that she may want to move back to the house during the school year this next year. Mind you she moved from our home to her mothers 4 months into the school year last year because she didn't like the one rule of her room needing to be cleaned. She has been having issues with her mother and so like her father always does, he wants to save her and let her move back in. I do not.
She has no respect for anyone else in this house. Not even her father for that matter.
I am really worried that her moving back in full time will ruin our relationship.
Specially since her father has not even asked me if this is something I would be ok with. He just simply mentioned that it could be a possibility. I want to support him and the needs of his children. I wish it didn't have to mean that their is no consideration for the rest of the household or our relationship for that matter.
I am really struggling with this. I know what all the right things to do would be. Sit down and tell him how I feel. Sit down with the daughter and explain my concerns. Have a common agreement of what is to be expected. But I don't feel like non of this would happen because he has no consideration for my family here. He is only concerned about his own. He has already stressed to her that when she turns 18 she could come and go ask she pleases.......which she does already basically. Some nights she doesn't come home until 1 am.
I'm sorry but even if she is 18 I would still want her to follow the rules of the house. But maybe I am just to strict. IDK?
He says we parent differently.......
I say I want my children to be prepared for the real world where there are rules and expectations to be held to be successful in life. I have two grown boys who are doing really well since they left the home. I think I did ok with them.......
But I am really confused as to whether I can maintain the relationship I have with the man I love.
I work, maintain our home, do all cooking, cleaning and help take care of my father who Is going through chemo for esophageal cancer as well as take full responsibility for my young child who is medically challenged. So I can sometimes have a pretty short temper for people who are not pulling their own weight within the walls I live in.
My step daughter hasn't become anymore responsible and he father continues to enable her to be lazy, needy, and whinny.
We have 6 people in this house who all pull their own weight except for her. She will 18 in feb. and barely keeps her room picked up, and will only do that when her father gets on her. I have been able to deal with it for the most part because she moved back to her mother and we only had her for a couple days during the weekend. But we have had her for almost the entire summer due to her needing to go to summer school and being closer to that school so she could attend.
I find myself running out of patience. In the beginning of the summer she tried to maintain a clean room. And kept control of her attitude (which is very moody most of the time). But as the summer went on that soon wore off, which is common with anything she does in life. She will start off strong and then loose interest and go back to being selfish and lazy.
I was really proud of her for staying with summer school, the days were long and tough as she is very behind on her credits needed to graduate this up coming school year. She also tried to maintaining her room somewhat. She has struggled through school for the past couple of years so as far as summer school went this is really her only chance to get caught up.....I gave her slack during this time because she was working towards a goal and that was a lot more important than her room or her attitude. Thank goodness her hard work paid off because she passed summer school.
Now that it has been two weeks since summer school has been out she is back to being lazy and mean.
But not only that, her father has been very defensive if I mention anything about his daughter at all. Which I do not do often because of how defensive they get.
Now he has mentioned that she may want to move back to the house during the school year this next year. Mind you she moved from our home to her mothers 4 months into the school year last year because she didn't like the one rule of her room needing to be cleaned. She has been having issues with her mother and so like her father always does, he wants to save her and let her move back in. I do not.
She has no respect for anyone else in this house. Not even her father for that matter.
I am really worried that her moving back in full time will ruin our relationship.
Specially since her father has not even asked me if this is something I would be ok with. He just simply mentioned that it could be a possibility. I want to support him and the needs of his children. I wish it didn't have to mean that their is no consideration for the rest of the household or our relationship for that matter.
I am really struggling with this. I know what all the right things to do would be. Sit down and tell him how I feel. Sit down with the daughter and explain my concerns. Have a common agreement of what is to be expected. But I don't feel like non of this would happen because he has no consideration for my family here. He is only concerned about his own. He has already stressed to her that when she turns 18 she could come and go ask she pleases.......which she does already basically. Some nights she doesn't come home until 1 am.
I'm sorry but even if she is 18 I would still want her to follow the rules of the house. But maybe I am just to strict. IDK?
He says we parent differently.......
I say I want my children to be prepared for the real world where there are rules and expectations to be held to be successful in life. I have two grown boys who are doing really well since they left the home. I think I did ok with them.......
I know what all the right things to do would be. Sit down and tell him how I feel. Sit down with the daughter and explain my concerns. Have a common agreement of what is to be expected. But I don't feel like non of this would happen because he has no consideration for my family here. He is only concerned about his own. He has already stressed to her that when she turns 18 she could come and go ask she pleases.......which she does already basically. Some nights she doesn't come home until 1 am.
I'm sorry but even if she is 18 I would still want her to follow the rules of the house. But maybe I am just to strict. IDK?
He says we parent differently.......
I say I want my children to be prepared for the real world where there are rules and expectations to be held to be successful in life. I have two grown boys who are doing really well since they left the home. I think I did ok with them.......
You have every right to say something and talk to him. If you parent differently, that's fine. He has to understand your rights in the house as well and should try and meet you halfway. You appear to be doing a lot for this guy. What is he doing for you?
He does do a lot for me, more than my X ever did. He's good to my parents and my family in general. He is amazing with my youngest son. This issue, his daughter, is our only issue we have ever had. I have told him I want to support him and his children as much as I possibly can. To get her graduated and prepared for the real world. She wants to join the navy for goodness sake.
I am just not sure he has a clue on how to actually do that.
It hurts my feelings and puts me on the defense when he doesn't take into consideration that I have raised two grown children. They are far from girls, but I did a decent job with my children.
I am going to get up the courage to talk to him once again about my concerns. I don't want to loose him because of this difference between us.