Step Families Support Group

Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.

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wbuxsea 02/01/2021

Hello,

I have anxiety to the point where I am needing to make a change or I think I may be headed for a break down. I do not feel well everyday, not sleeping more than a few hours a night and my chest hurts daily. My husband and I had a great christmas with all of our kids, (3 children, one is mine and two are my husbands). Then my 21 year old stepdaughter called her dad asking for him or us to co-sign a loan for a "brand new" car for her because her car was not able to be fixed (lots of issues). So we discussed and have already provided her with two vehicles already and she is not willing to talk about her budget and finances, (which we already know are not good), so we decided that we would not co-sign but would be willing to give her a loan to help get her at least a reliable vehicle to get her to her job etc. He was then blasted with he always bails me out on finances (I work 40hours a week and also part time on our home business), and that is why he can't help her. She now refuses to speak to him and has continued to throw me and my son (who has nothing to do with this) under the bus and I am always the reason she does not get her way. My husband has tried numerous times to talk with her and work things out to no avail. So my question to you is how to you keep moving forward with your life without wanting to just throw in the towel and have peace. I am contemplating just getting a divorce and not having to deal with the drama that always comes from his ex and children. I truly care about them and want to be a family but I am never accepted and always blamed the minute they do not get what they want? I am so down and scared of losing my husband. I do not know what to do anymore, I do not even want to be in their presence any more. So sad and hopeless that I am scared about my future. Thank you for any advice on what may have worked for all of you.

CeciliaA 02/01/2021

Yeah having a blended family is hard. I have 3 children of my own, and my husband has two of his. One of his does not live with us but is around the same age as your husbands daughter. But it's hard having to deal with the family drama. No matter who you decide to marry there is always going to be drama. That daughter of his though, is going through a lot with the fact that her dad is now remarried or not with her mom. Plus other things I'm sure. I am just speaking from experience. My dad remarried when I was younger and I always blamed his wife and her children for getting in the way of our relationship. I grew out of it eventually, but I too did the same thing. My husbands daughter was like that too when it came to me. I never thought I would be the evil step mom, but somehow I ended up being her without even trying to be. Now she calls us and tells us about her day. What she's accomplished in her life, how she's doing etc. It takes time for the children to get used to change. It takes time for anybody to go through change. And we're all going to go through it differently. We may not agree with how one copes with what life throws at them. But just remember, we are all going to go down a road that will help us learn.

eli_mom 02/01/2021

Hi,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Have you tried counselling-individual or marriage?

I have a friend in my local church who struggled because of blended family issues. I understand it’s hard because I saw my friend when their marriage was going through problems. They planned to separate but I encouraged her to talk to our Pastor and seek spiritual advice. They had a series of counselling, it worked and thankfully, their marriage now is doing better.

Praying for you that God will surround you with His peace and things will go well in your family. Please keep us posted and let us know how you are doing. I hope you will find comfort here. God bless.

wbuxsea 02/02/2021

Thank you so much for the kind words and advice. My husband and I have talked with a counselor about some of these issues. The problem I have now is that the daughter does not want to work on anything, she just wants what she wants and if we do not do it then we are pieces of crap to her and she does not want to speak to us or be around us, even her dad. So I feel like we are living on a roller coaster as one minute everything is tolerable and the next she will not speak to her dad at all. It is too hard to live like this.

Brokenhearted-again 02/18/2021

Being a parent isn't easy for sure. Then add being a step parent. My husband has 2 girls and a boy. I have 1 girl. I was thrilled with our blended 4. Then.. oldest cause drama she just left at 19. I never backed down to her, treated her like my own. Now at 25 we text everyday and she calls me mom and has apologized for the past. Next daugter got in a fight with her dad at 16 and went to her moms. Never came home, has disowned us completely. Thankfully my husband choose the good of us all over her drama. We didn't kick her out. She ran.
We got tired of trying to keep her happy and giving in. So now it's his son and my daughter. And they love us and seem to be turning out great even though they are teenagers and hate each other. Lol. Sorry if I rambled but my point is... we loved and treated them the same and fair. But some kids step or not will always cause drama. And sometimes you have to make a choice as to what's good for the family as a whole. Not just the trouble maker. I'm sorry she thinks your crap. Like i said i have one of those. I take it as a compliment. Hate me for not giving in. Hate me for protecting our family. Hate me for being s good mom. I miss her terribly, but a mothers job isn't easy. No matter who the kids are. I hope you find peace in your situation and it works itself out. Don't let it destroy you. I never thought the oldest and I would be so close. 5 years ago she didn't speak to me and lived 20 minutes away. Now she lives 12 hours away and drove up for a 2 day visit because she missed me. Progress takes time.

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