Step Families Support Group

Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.

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Advice or opinions please ....

stlfan
stlfan

Quick update...


Married almost 2 years. I have 2 daughters age 15 and 18 (senior in high school). He has 2 daughters age 15 and 17 that we have week on week off. 


My issue.... 


I have helped my oldest purchase her first vehicle with the agreement that she holds a job and makes the car payment every month. My youngest is due for a car and has that same expectation once we can find her one that is affordable to her and decent. still looking for one as she will be turning 16 soon!


My mother in law purchased a nice vehicle for my both my step daughters that were over 10 grand when they were 15. No expectations or responsibilities, they just have to keep gas in it. Now that my oldest stepdaughter is 17, drove her car for 1 year, decided she doesn’t like her car and went straight back to grandma. Even though my husband expressed that he did not agree with it, the grandparents went and bought her a 2nd car, newer and much more. It was assumed that we would plate it, purchase the tags, and put it on our insurance. I refuse to. 


This is not teaching responsibility or ownership, and it is hurting my relationship. Please advise. Am I over-reacting or is this just inappropriate behavior on the in-laws and daughter. 

SeptWedding
SeptWedding
I say stick to your guns. Your the one out the money in insurance, tags, and who knows what else if the kids aren't responsible for the car. It's good your husband agrees, make sure he says so as well. Remember teenagers will hate their parents from time to time. They will live and she will survive just fine without a new car. Or let grandma and grandpa pay for everything if they feel that strongly about it.
Stoney.
Stoney.
i will say this. YOU are the parent....so they dont get a say. grandparents can tend to try and show the parents up because they miss being the parent however its been so long they forgot HOW to parent..... so they just want to spoil and watch the aftermath.
Cricket01
Cricket01
Communication, communication, communication!!!! The issue is with the grandparents. The girls are under 18, he is the parent and if he really felt uncomfortable about it, the grandparents should’ve respected that. If you and your husband pay for insurance and tags for the other girls. It should be done for all. But, also have a designated amount of money you’re willing to spend for each and anything beyond that is their responsibility. Also, sounds like your husband needs to grow a pair when it comes to his parents (no offense). Expressing that he doesn’t agree with his mothers decision and sternly telling her absolutely NO are very different. The grandparents blatantly disregarded his feelings. They showed the girls by their actions that your husbands opinion didn’t matter and to top it off. Made him look like the “bad guy” by not being willing to pay for tags and insurance, UGH!!! So much disrespect and we wonder why so many men are emasculated!

On a final note...This is your husbands battle, not yours. The two of you need to communicate, have a plan and have each other’s backs in your final decision in handling the situation. The words need to come from your husband not you, when it comes to his daughters and vice versa. If you get too involved it will most likely cause more division in the family and heartache in your relationship.