Step Families Support Group

Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.

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adult stepchildren

itsAchallenge
itsAchallenge

is this normal? 


BACKGROUND: adult SD, 35 years old, with her own family- a husband and children-


lives out of state. PARENTS WERE DIVORCED years ago, then 2 years ago her mother died.



ADULT sd is upset because she does not think her father spends enough time with her.


she is mad because her father (we) came to visit 1 time last year, all the other times, she


and her family came to visit us. also, she demands that she needs FAMILY TIME alone with him(meaning me not to go with him)



is this normal?


i cant imagine being her age, and demanding my 'daddy' COME to see me, she has her own family now for crying out loud.


seriously, is this normal? not in my world.



and stepson, has failed to launch. 28 and lives with us...


?



Dazed730
Dazed730
Super late on this one but it sounds like there were some issues between them before you came into the picture.

I'm roughly the same age and am dealing with the opposite issue. My father's wife gets wildly upset if he does anything for me or my kids including telling me that I couldn't live with them when my ex-MIL put us out. He has to sneak and talk to my daughter if she's at my mom's house (which is almost always).

I figure it's the same thing. She has some issues about her kids fathers and it's my problem by default.
Cricket01
Cricket01
I agree with Dazed730 there was definitely issues before you came into the picture. I have two adult stepdaughters that constantly crave their dads attention. There is definitely some co-dependence issues. It’s the “little girl” saying...look at me daddy!!! Are you proud of me daddy??? I need to know you love me daddy. The girls putting their dad in a position to choose them over their spouse as a way of proving he loves them. Is it consciously...sometimes and sometimes not. As mothers we want to bring everyone together to create one big happy family. The daughters want one on one time with their dad and that in turn causes us to feel rejected and we take it personally, making the situation about us and in reality, it has absolutely nothing to do with us! I get that the daughter craves that time. She probably isn’t getting it from her spouse and looking to her dad to fill that void (assuming). Or...maybe she just wants to spend some one on one time with her dad to talk about things that would be uncomfortable if you were present. I know in my situation that there has ALWAYS been issues with the girls and my husband. I became the scapegoat so that they wouldn’t have to look at themselves and take responsibility for their parts in the lack of their relationships. So, don’t take it heart and let your husband have that one on one time and you go to the spa for some well deserved self care. Don’t question your husband on his visit. Let him tell you if he feels the need to share.

On another note...the dynamics of women are so complicated!!! What I’ve learned is, if your relationship has flaws. Or...the daughter or wife is feeling rejected. We have a tendency to forget that it is a father / daughter, husband / wife relationship and subconsciously start looking at them as “the other woman” that we are competing with for one mans attention. That then causes an immense amount of jealousy, resentment and hate!