Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
I have no idea what to do. My step son has been a part of my life for almost four years now. Before I got with his father, when my step son was 7 his birth mother left him. She took him to his dad's house and said he's your kid you take him.
Later my husband found out his ex wife (my stepsons mom) had lost her job, and was living with no power, no food and an abusive boyfriend.
I got with my husband almost four years ago, my husband has brain damage. He always tries to be a good dad, but in so many ways, he doesn't know what he's doing. I personally don't have any children of my own, or with my husband and we can't conceive so my step son is all I will ever have.
I love him like he's my own, and he's an honor roll student and a great kid. He only lacks in the social aspect of things right now.. but we are working on it.
He started middle school this year and is now 11 years old. He's been acting out. His grades are still honor roll, but a month ago he was suspended for bullying a kid on the internet and this week he was suspended for touching a girls leg (they called it sexual harassment) I personally think it's junior high and hormones but ANYWAYS, I talked to my step son about it.
His answer was he feels abandoned, and I asked why and what I could do and he said nothing. I'm not his mom. He feels like his mother doesn't love him, and it breaks our relationship up quite a bit. He's even told me he refuses to trust or love me because i'm not even his real mom and she even left.
I don't know what to do, I have him in counseling but he won't talk about it. Sometimes he acts so hateful to me, and whenever his mom calls him, which is maybe once a month, he turns into a hurricane of emotions and no one can get thru to him. It's like a tantrum, but of the cyclone type, he screams, cries, and won't talk to me whatsoever.
Before you say it, we can't make his mom stop talking to him. Even though she did what she did she never gave up her rights, and court didn't make her because she said it was only because of her financial situation she couldn't care for him like his father could. We moved out of state from her, so it's either let her communicate thru the phone, or we have to send my step son back to her every summer and no one trusts his mother to care for him.
It's a nasty situation, and I just don't know how to make my kid feel better... and make our relationship stronger.
Later my husband found out his ex wife (my stepsons mom) had lost her job, and was living with no power, no food and an abusive boyfriend.
I got with my husband almost four years ago, my husband has brain damage. He always tries to be a good dad, but in so many ways, he doesn't know what he's doing. I personally don't have any children of my own, or with my husband and we can't conceive so my step son is all I will ever have.
I love him like he's my own, and he's an honor roll student and a great kid. He only lacks in the social aspect of things right now.. but we are working on it.
He started middle school this year and is now 11 years old. He's been acting out. His grades are still honor roll, but a month ago he was suspended for bullying a kid on the internet and this week he was suspended for touching a girls leg (they called it sexual harassment) I personally think it's junior high and hormones but ANYWAYS, I talked to my step son about it.
His answer was he feels abandoned, and I asked why and what I could do and he said nothing. I'm not his mom. He feels like his mother doesn't love him, and it breaks our relationship up quite a bit. He's even told me he refuses to trust or love me because i'm not even his real mom and she even left.
I don't know what to do, I have him in counseling but he won't talk about it. Sometimes he acts so hateful to me, and whenever his mom calls him, which is maybe once a month, he turns into a hurricane of emotions and no one can get thru to him. It's like a tantrum, but of the cyclone type, he screams, cries, and won't talk to me whatsoever.
Before you say it, we can't make his mom stop talking to him. Even though she did what she did she never gave up her rights, and court didn't make her because she said it was only because of her financial situation she couldn't care for him like his father could. We moved out of state from her, so it's either let her communicate thru the phone, or we have to send my step son back to her every summer and no one trusts his mother to care for him.
It's a nasty situation, and I just don't know how to make my kid feel better... and make our relationship stronger.
When I went through my divorce I explained it to my kids like it was a situation with a puppy.
I asked if it was the puppy's fault if his owners fought. If he wasn't being loved. I asked if it was the dog's fault because it did what puppies do and peed on the floor, etc, etc.
Your step son is a bit old for that explanation, but it may still help. Because it's obviously NOT his fault that his mom left and can't take care of him.
I would say that you need to make statements to that effect, as well as statements that you love him, even when he doesn't love you.
In fact you love him...more...because that's when he needs it. And that it's a love of choice not birth...
I wish you and him the best,
Patti