Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
So my fiance recently got custody of his son. And its been a battle every minute of every day. His mother has a personality disorder (diagnosed) that makes her incapable of behaving properly in society. This isn't much an issue for us since we don't deal with her all that much. But it is an issue that her behavior is now ingrained in him. And it would be since she's had him for 12 years. He doesnt know any other way to act. But recently its been difficult. I mean even bathing is a fight since his mom never made him shower or brush his teeth regularly. Nevermind a bedtime, that's completely unheard of. And now he wants to go back to his moms because we're to strict. And to top it off the kid threw a fit at me because he didn't turn his permission slip for a field trip. Seriously!?!? I know this is a kid being a kid, but its trying patience I don't even have left. I told my fiance I changed my mind about having my own kids. I can't even fathom doing this again. Tells me I'm overreacting- which is true, but its still too much. And I know the kid is testing boundries, especially with me since he relates me to his mom, and she let him do whatever he wanted. But that won't work with me. But my resolve is wearing thin and all I wanna do is give in. I feel so trapped and no one gets it.
I know its hard, but on the bright side, if you have your own child, it would be different, as your own child would be used to your rules, whereas his child was raised under a different set of rules, and now has to change (what he feels is) his entire life. It may have been helpful if he would have been sat down and told what was going to happen before the move, and to be told what was going to be expected of him.
Sadly, it won't change right away. He is going to be angry, and sad that he is no longer with his mom, and that a woman is disciplining him who is not his mother. I think more outings with his father, and maybe more outings alone with you, so he can see you as less of a disciplinarian, and more as an authoritative friend(?) I do hope things get better for you all.
Perhaps another thing, is including him in some small decisions? (As a stepkid, I would have felt more a part of the household, if my Dad and SM would have done this for me.) And definitely spend more time for yourself. Destressification :D
Every thing is our fault. She has very limited time with him. She failed her court ordered drug test bad. The judge even stated it was the worst one he has every seen. She lost her over night/weekends, she has a habit of either being late to get him or drops him off at home sooner.
She left her drug addict boy friend moved into her moms 2 bed room apartment. (she has a 16 year old daughter that she lost custody too as well but still lives with her} She never works, she was working when we had our pretrial. Two weeks ago she had her relationship status change on facebook. A week later she is dating a new guy who has spent 5 in prison for numerous theft crimes. We believe he is in a half way house. They are in mad love with each other and are going to get married. {red flag for major emotional issues}
She was court ordered drug counselling, again she told her son it was his dads faults that she had to go to those meetings. That made her late getting him. {hello make your appointments around your limited time with him}
The child is a mouthy crass sick of him constantly belittling all of us. Because of the ordeal with his mom.
Its hard to deal with a child going through all of this because they are not sure how to handle the emotions yet. I have thought about walking away many of times because of how he treats all of us. But giving in allows him to win.
Do you have a guardian lein person from the courts? Ours told the child hey its either here with us or you go to to foster care. Take your pick!! He had to be that harsh in order to help get it thru his 10 year old mind.
Stand your ground and let him know this is for the best!!
best of luck
strenua veritas