Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
I have to vent!! And I am sorry if I offend anyone or sounds like the most rude step mother ever. But my SD is the grosses young lady I have ever met. Everyone keeps telling me its a teenage girl thing. I guess because I raised my kids to be diligent and helpful it bugs me even more so. But when she lived with us (btw, she moved because she didn't like the fact that we required her to follow rules and she really didn't have a choice because she was failing her third attempt at junior year at the 3rd different school) it was a daily source of stress on our relationship.
Anyway, she has been living with her mom for about two months now and everything has been better between us. I went through very almost ever emotion with this situation. Now it just makes me angry. I gave her time to adjust, because even in her words "she's the messiest princess you will ever meet".....17 years of age and she can't even attempt to clean her room. Her father admits that he spoiled her rotten and that it would take time. BUT.....almost 3 years later I feel as though she just now does stuff to make me angry. Her room basically occupies the entire downstairs. A beautiful space for any teenagers. I spent a pretty penny making it a lovely space for her. We had her for the entire week last week because her mother was out of town. I chose not to go in her room because I didn't want to fall back into my "angry step mom old habits"....Well this morning I went in there because I could smell the food starting to smell up the room and such. She has a bad habit of eating in there and leaving food and dishes. This I am used to and have completely given up on even mentioning to her father. He would rather clean it for her than teach her to do it herself. Even thought she must walk past the kitchen to go anywhere else in this house. Anyway....as I expected the room was in shambles....enough laundry on the floor to clothes a dozen teenage girls....food for days on the floor and table by her bed, even in her bed. And so much more I don't even want to take time to explain.....all this I am completely used to oddly enough, all I expected. BUT......then I find her already used tampons laying around her room everywhere.......I wanted to puke. It will take me everything I have to try and get over this before her father gets home today. She knows I will clean her room. I feel like she does this sort of thing just to see if she can get a rise out of me. Who does that. I want to say something to her father but every time I attempt to have a conversation to him about her and anything that I remotely about her taking responsibility or accountability for her actions he acts as though I am the meanest person on the planet. I do admit I am a clean (more than most) person, I really have no choice considering my youngest has medical issues he was born with and I have to keep the house clean ALWAYS for his health.
Anyway.....sorry for venting. I am hoping somehow this helps me from blowing up at her father when he gets home.
Thank you for reading if you did.........
Anyway, she has been living with her mom for about two months now and everything has been better between us. I went through very almost ever emotion with this situation. Now it just makes me angry. I gave her time to adjust, because even in her words "she's the messiest princess you will ever meet".....17 years of age and she can't even attempt to clean her room. Her father admits that he spoiled her rotten and that it would take time. BUT.....almost 3 years later I feel as though she just now does stuff to make me angry. Her room basically occupies the entire downstairs. A beautiful space for any teenagers. I spent a pretty penny making it a lovely space for her. We had her for the entire week last week because her mother was out of town. I chose not to go in her room because I didn't want to fall back into my "angry step mom old habits"....Well this morning I went in there because I could smell the food starting to smell up the room and such. She has a bad habit of eating in there and leaving food and dishes. This I am used to and have completely given up on even mentioning to her father. He would rather clean it for her than teach her to do it herself. Even thought she must walk past the kitchen to go anywhere else in this house. Anyway....as I expected the room was in shambles....enough laundry on the floor to clothes a dozen teenage girls....food for days on the floor and table by her bed, even in her bed. And so much more I don't even want to take time to explain.....all this I am completely used to oddly enough, all I expected. BUT......then I find her already used tampons laying around her room everywhere.......I wanted to puke. It will take me everything I have to try and get over this before her father gets home today. She knows I will clean her room. I feel like she does this sort of thing just to see if she can get a rise out of me. Who does that. I want to say something to her father but every time I attempt to have a conversation to him about her and anything that I remotely about her taking responsibility or accountability for her actions he acts as though I am the meanest person on the planet. I do admit I am a clean (more than most) person, I really have no choice considering my youngest has medical issues he was born with and I have to keep the house clean ALWAYS for his health.
Anyway.....sorry for venting. I am hoping somehow this helps me from blowing up at her father when he gets home.
Thank you for reading if you did.........
That is awful. Don't clean her room. I am having similar issues but at least my husband is in agreement with wanting to change their habits.
She wins if you clean her room. Let her be a pig. Ignore ignore ignore. I know this is tough to do though, I really do.
If she truly is trying to get a rise out of you, she's winning. Don't forget that.
PS: Who leaves dirty tampons on the floor. Wrong, just wrong.
She may be trying to push the boundaries see how far she can get, I appreciate its hard to discipline when they are not your children but she sounds like she is being a foul young lady.
I agree with Zinnie, at least in a year she will be legally an adult ( UK wise, not sure where you live).
If you want to chat anytime let me know xx
I do agree with you both about just hanging in there until she's an adult. Something her father reminds her of often and she has been more than open with not appreciating.
I am always up for a good chat :0)
Hang in there. Like others have said, she is almost an adult.
1. Don't clean the room. That adds stress to your plate.
2. Keep her door closed. If you don't it will make you madder.
3. Teenagers will be teenagers. They don't like to keep their room clean. It's normal for them.
4. Most of the time we think that they are doing things to be spiteful and that's not the case.
5. They do things because they are lazy and they just don't feel like doing them.
6. You can talk until you are blue in the face and they will never get it. They don't know the word CLEAN until they get tired of it.
7. Each year she grows up into adulthood. She is still a kid.
KEEP YOUR PEACE.
Thank you for your wisdom. Most of this I have to say I might agree with. Others I am not sure, I was a teenage girl once. I didn't do these type of things because my mother would've made sure I cared my room was clean. But. I do agree that I shouldn't let it get to me. I would love to just close off her room, but she has no door and I have to walk through her room often to get to my storage unit. Her room is basically the reck/family room of our basement.
Thank you for your advice.
Shelby