Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
I have been in the B&D group for a long time now. Divorced for 2 years with sole custody of 2 boys, 12 and 7. I recently got engaged to a widower with 2 kids, a girl who is 8 and a boy who is 16. We are planning to get married in December and they are moving here. He has a house to sell and they live about 25 miles away..in another State. His kids are going to finish out the School year there and we are giving his 16 yr old son the option of also going to School there next year (his Senior Year) We can pay tuition and it will be a 35 -40 minute commute for him. He works part time and if/when he has to start commuting we are going to give him the option of not working his Senior Year. It seems fair to take that burden off of him. My ex is in the picture and is also remarried. Not a great situation and there is some drama there but it could be a lot worse. My kids are with him every other weekend.
We have both been on our own for about 2 years and we both have very peaceful, functional and happy homes. I know that all of this is going to create some chaotic and challenging situations and I am trying to be prepared for them and make things as easy as possible for all of the kids.
The ones that I worry about the most are his kids. They have lost their Mom and this is going to be a big change for them. His daughter is 100% on board and we have already established a strong bond. His son is 16 and has been an active and willing participant in the things that we have done together. We have dinner together every Wednesday night and he voluntarily told his boss that he needs Wednesday nights off. I am taking this as a good sign. I have been pretty hands off with him. He is a great kid and I know at 16 the last thing he needs is my interference. I think that my goal with him is mutual respect.
Even with our as good as can be expected situation...I think that we are all in for a bumpy ride. His kids will be here all the time. Mine are gone some of the time. We do things differently. We are all going to have to make some changes. Both sets of kids have already been through some hard times. I want this to be as happy a time for them as it is for us.
Thinking about how to handle all of this can become a full time job. I already have one of those. I am soon going to have a new husband and 4 kids. I can do this..but I want to do it with my eyes wide open.
Advice?????
Thanks...
We have both been on our own for about 2 years and we both have very peaceful, functional and happy homes. I know that all of this is going to create some chaotic and challenging situations and I am trying to be prepared for them and make things as easy as possible for all of the kids.
The ones that I worry about the most are his kids. They have lost their Mom and this is going to be a big change for them. His daughter is 100% on board and we have already established a strong bond. His son is 16 and has been an active and willing participant in the things that we have done together. We have dinner together every Wednesday night and he voluntarily told his boss that he needs Wednesday nights off. I am taking this as a good sign. I have been pretty hands off with him. He is a great kid and I know at 16 the last thing he needs is my interference. I think that my goal with him is mutual respect.
Even with our as good as can be expected situation...I think that we are all in for a bumpy ride. His kids will be here all the time. Mine are gone some of the time. We do things differently. We are all going to have to make some changes. Both sets of kids have already been through some hard times. I want this to be as happy a time for them as it is for us.
Thinking about how to handle all of this can become a full time job. I already have one of those. I am soon going to have a new husband and 4 kids. I can do this..but I want to do it with my eyes wide open.
Advice?????
Thanks...
Although I'm honestly not in your situation yet, I easily could be once I meet Mr. Wonderful.
My best and honest advice, is keep things even keel, simple, and love the two new kids, like they're your own (which I know you do already).
I guess a family meeting, something casual where all the kids have an open forum (respectuflly, of course) to hear the rules/guidelines and yours and Alex's expecations of them. Setting clear cut boundaries that everyone understands is probably what is most important!
You can't take all the load onto your shoulders. With all the kids getting older, don't be afraid to ask for help where you need it. Sometimes we're so set on accomplishing all tasks by ourselves, we let those feelings build up.
You're going to be successful, because you've got your best friend by your side. Let him know how you're feeling, and he'll keep you on track!
God Bless and congratulations again :)
Good luck!