Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
A year ago my fiance and I had an argument over his grown children including me when he is invited over. They had invited the ex and I was confused why I couldn't come. I felt very left out. Anyway we agreed that we are a package deal... and since then he is never invited over for any holidays or get togethers with them. They don't come to our house and I know its because of me I just don't know why.
Anyhoo I feel awful. And I don't like being where I"m not wanted...so now I'm ready to sit back down with him and tell him I was wrong. Tell him to go see his kids and grandkids and I'll stay at home. I don't want him to lose touch with his kids because of me. Also we were supposed to be married in Sept. Now the grown kids want a prenup first and him to reconsider. I lived with them for three years before they moved out. I cooked for them, cleaned for them, reminded their dad to do things for them even at that time they were over 21.
I guess I can't make them like me huh? But its getting bad and I'm having second thoughts on marriage. After all I'm not just marrying him but his whole family right?
Anyhoo I feel awful. And I don't like being where I"m not wanted...so now I'm ready to sit back down with him and tell him I was wrong. Tell him to go see his kids and grandkids and I'll stay at home. I don't want him to lose touch with his kids because of me. Also we were supposed to be married in Sept. Now the grown kids want a prenup first and him to reconsider. I lived with them for three years before they moved out. I cooked for them, cleaned for them, reminded their dad to do things for them even at that time they were over 21.
I guess I can't make them like me huh? But its getting bad and I'm having second thoughts on marriage. After all I'm not just marrying him but his whole family right?
deleted_user
My husband had to do the same thing with his mom and me. If I wasn't invited over than he wasn't coming. I know it is different with kids, but it is the same principle. If he truly loves you, he will stand up for you. I'm so sorry that his kids are acting like this. Maybe he can invite the kids to a neutral zone (like a coffee place) to discuss it with them. Maybe he can remind them of all the things you did for them before they moved out. You were there and took care of them too. Maybe they are afraid that their dad is going to be hurt again or maybe mom is poisoning their heads against you. He might just need to listen to their side of the story, but I do think he needs to stay loyal to you no matter what.
ButterCupPrincess
I have experienced being edged out by a stepson. I know how it feels. No, you can't make anybody like you. But you can expect respect. My husband and I went to counseling and it really helped a lot. I needed to speak up for myself and put all my feelings out there. They will come out one way or the other so don't try to hold all this in because it's painful and difficult and you have a right for it to be addressed. I tried to be what I thought was the bigger person and set my own needs aside and not only was that unhealthy for me but a sign of an unhealthy marriage. I also read the book Stepmonster and talked about it at length with my husband. I have learned that blended families can often end in divorce but if the two of you work together and communicate you can actually build a marriage that is stronger than it would otherwise have been. It's never a perfect situation and will have it's ups and downs. Be honest with yourself, express your needs, stand up for yourself and do all you can to ensure good communication with your fiance.
ldab
Thanks guys I'm going to check out that book. In the meantime, I didn't say anything to my fiance, But I did decide that I need some space from worrying about what his kids think about me or us. I'm going to continue to be respectful always to them but I don't want to be around them. At least till I decide about marriage. Thanks again!!
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