Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
I have been with my husband for about 11 years now, and we've been married for 7 of those years. A little more than a year ago he came out as bi gender and bisexual. I felt so crushed betrayed and broken hearted. But he promised me there wouldn't be big changes. Then he began wearing dresses everywhere and putting on makeup. He came out to his work and mine before I was ready, he's thinking of changing his pronouns, and changing his name. I am frustrated, uncomfortable, and scared. I feel bitter and angry because "he can't help being who he is" whIle I have no choice but to change my views, feelings and expectations for a relationship and best friend I've had for over a decade. I love him so so much, but can't get past my feelings of mistrust and betrayal. There had been no warning. I don't have a question and am not seeking advice. I just need to know I'm not alone.
You are not alone. Most of us are traveling similar paths with some variations. Most importantly, this is a safe place where everyone understands.
As for the mistrust/betrayal, don't deny your feelings because they are valid, but try to focus more on trust from here forward. I had to tell my spouse, "I understand why you lied in the past. But now I know, and we are trying to make this work, and lying puts distance between us. I told him that if he had trouble saying something to me, to refrain from lying, and just tell me he couldn't talk about it at the moment if he felt he had to say something at all.
And I want to remind you that you DO have a choice. You don't have to change any views or feelings if they don't feel right. I think most of us here at least explore other feelings because they might be so far out of the realm of what we ever imagined that it is worth considering all points of view. But not everyone can just disregard their sexual orientation. Someone I know in this situation said the other day that like it or not, perception was a big part of reality. So if you perceived your spouse and your life to be one thing, then that was your reality all of those years. It is not easy to just forget or push aside your reality at the snap of the fingers.
Hang in there (I know I say that so much I sound like the poster with the kitten on it - but I really mean it)!
~hugs