Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
My husband has decided to stop all of this. His rationale is this...his words. He is happily married. He has a good life. A life he loves. Good job. Loving wife. Kids. Grandkids. Extended family. He knows the other side. He has many lonely TG friends who are living the nightmare of their convictions. They are alone. They live as roommates with other GB or Ts. They are miserable. Their fantasies have not come to fruititon. Night after night of seeking their sexual fantasy of being taken by a big burly man who wants to nurture and sustain a loving relationship will never come to fruition. His idea of coming out to me was, as has been said, he could eat his cake and still have it, but when I didn't go along with the program and he was faced with an immediate divorce, he chose our life. He put it all away. He said it wasn't worth it. He stopped saying the crap about being his true self or living a lie. I encouraged him to go live his true life if that was it. No one should live a lie. No one should have to pretend. His conclusion was that either way he would be pretending. Pretending to be a woman or pretending to be a man. I have assured him that he is not pretending to be a man. As has been said so well, it is his ideals of manhood that keep him all tripped up. Anyway, we are moving forward. Girl clothes have been put away. Hair is growing back. He has become an assertive man again. No more teen girl tantrums. It's like a timewarp and we have gone back to the way we were before 9/27, but... I don't have any problem seeing him the way I did. He was and always will be a man in my eyes, so in that respect, nothing has changed. I just feel off balance. I can't define how I feel. He says, that in the end, it was enough to just be able to bear his soul to me and to tell me about how he lived his life before we got together, and how he feels inside. He really latched onto and relates to and thinks their may be something to the dissociation theory. Like all of your men, he had a disfunctional childhood - severly beaten and abused by father, wackadoo mother, someone who nurtured the idea of him being female to meet her own needs - as an adult - alcoholism, bipolar, fits of rage, etc. Oddly, he canceled his last session with his therapist and hasn't rescheduled. I'm not sure where that is going. Now, he really thinks that as a result of the abuse, he dissociated with his body at a young age and is now trying to reconcile all of that. That's where we are today. A lot of great posts I've been reading on here. I will try to catch up as soon as I get time. Keep fighting for truth, my friends. Don't buy into the lie. It is a lie. It is a trap. It is a false narrative fed to us by liberal society. Think about this. When all of these men who think they are women transition and there are no more manly men left to fight and protect society, who will protect their freedom to play dress up. We have to stand up against this nonsense. If you are one of the people who just know that you know that you know that this is a crock of shit. Stand up against it. You may be saving more than just your husband. You may be saving our entire society.
For myself though, despite knowing it's a crock of shit and telling him that, he is fighting me tooth and nail and I am not going to drain myself of any more emotion and physical energy to try and convince him otherwise. I have 2 young children, a full time career and myself that I need to devote that energy to. And honestly, I'm tired of being hurt and disrespected. I am young enough that I can start over. I realize we are all in different situations but I caution everyone against spending too much time trying to "save out entire society." What about saving yourself?
I can honestly say, if my husband had maybe taken things slower and allowed for me to come to terms with and perhaps adjust to this new lifestyle, maybe the outcome would have been different. But he started dressing the very night he told me and hasn't stopped since. :(
This summer I was planning on leaving my husband. But we found out his estrogen levels were super high, which made him crazy, which is why I was leaving, I couldn't deal with the irrational, psychotic person he had turned into. But I stayed when we found out about the levels and they came down. I get about two days every two weeks of him being logical and rational...it isn't enough, so I am leaving after christmas. I hope and pray that he will continue down the path of healing the RIGHT way and not succumb to his obsessive and compulsive desires.
Birdie don't try too hard! I'm only curious and I too get tired of researching this stuff.