I haven't had to field any surgery questions lately, but I would have to say, as I've learned about trans issues over the years, there was one point in time where I just simply didn't know that a lot of trans people don't do surgery. I hadn't realized that hormones are actually a much bigger factor for most people.

Like, I don't know where I read/learned it, but realizing that most FTM trans people have vaginas and not penises (since the technology isn't really there yet), kinda blew my mind.

But it doesn't irritate you when it's the first thing people ask about?

I've never faced this, as my partner is totally in the closet, so no one actually knows.
My biggest frustration generally is when people talk about transgender women/transvestites/cross dressers they are often surprised to find out they are married/in relationships with cis women. Mind you, before I educated myself about the issue, I probably assumed that too.
I was also surprised to find out how few trans people actually have surgery too. Even Caitlyn Jenner hasn't had SRS, so I've heard (I may have heard wrong).

Like the others, my spouse is not out and still presenting as their at-birth gender, so I have not personally been in this position yet. And I am sure if and when I am, it will be a huge irritation. I have thought a lot about what things I am dreading, even now. And socially, some big ones are people's sudden interest in very personal things like surgery or our sex life. The other is people pitying me for being in this position.

On the other hand, I get the general curiosity and I don't think it is necessarily intention rudeness. It is something that people have little to no knowledge of and suddenly they have someone in person to not only make it real but to answer their questions. I wonder if there is a way to lead them to answers and education without the answer being about you and your spouse personally. I think education results in more acceptance, so it is a good thing. But all people deserve their privacy.

I have a niece who was born with a very obvious birth defect. People always have questions about her. And I always feel for her mom because she usually answers the questions very well and makes it an educational moment. But some days I can see it tires her and she just wishes her daughter didn't stand out so much. In her case, the questions don't feel as personal, but they can feel unintentionally mean or at least very painful.

Maybe an answer like this would work: "It is different for everyone and while I do not wish to discuss my spouse's private medical information, if you are interested you can look up more about it at (and then give them some good resource)." Or maybe just get business cards printed up with that printed on it and simply hand it to anyone who asks.

This is good to think about, even for those of us not there yet, as it would be way better to be prepared when it does happen. Keep us posted if you come up with a solution that works. <3

I can definitely understand your frustration Ayet! I think sometimes too the person asking the question isn't even genuinely asking a question, they just think that the whole premise is disgusting.

I kinda worry about my spouse's parents, I kinda feel like they would the ones most upset about what the transition might mean. But I think it could be simply addressed that my spouse is not interested in surgery. But, they'll probably suss out that it will affect his fertility regardless. I'm not sure how much sperm banking will alay their fears.

That's a really good response gallinarosa... I'll try something like that. I don't want to turn people off from learning, I just don't want to have to do it all myself haha.

Thanks everyone! I get a lot out of reading these posts in general :)