Spouses of Transgender Community Group

Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...

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DailyStruggle1979 08/29/2019

Does anyone else of a transgender husband (MTF) feel like theyve lost their individuality? I swear there are days I feel like the only thing i have that he does not is a vagina. He due to estrogen and tesosterone blockers has breasts (bigger than mine btw), he shaves, he has the same feminine earrings that i have including my cartlidge piercing, wears womens underwear and bras, same deodorant that I wear, dyes his hair blond, wears foundation, lip gloss, womens socks, jeans, t shirts, pants. Like I feel like I have lost all sense of my identity

I feel like his lesbian partner and he says well you dont feel that way when you are out with your best friend and your kids. It is not the same. I feel like people see US as just that girlfriends hanging out but with him it is like the stereotypical manly looking woman and feminine looking female. I know that sounds so horrible to make that assumption but that is how i feel like when I am with him or the like is he a man, a woman, what? It is so humiliating that I rarely go out anymore even as a family but I feel like I have lost not only my husband, my life, my marriage, my sense of safety and comfort but my identity as well

Cora 08/29/2019

"he says well you dont feel that way when you are out with your best friend and your kids"

Well of course not! Because you are out with your BFF and your kids, not the parent of your children and your current romantic/sexual partner!

I swear I don't know where our trans spouses get these ideas. It's like they want to ignore their identities when it's convenient for them.

DailyStruggle1979 08/29/2019

Cora
Exactly, he thinks because I chose to stay but to technically be separated that i can automatically turn off the feeling that he has been my spouse for the last 10 years and my significant other for 20 years. Just because i choose to be separated since it is the only thing I can think of combatting his idea that i can see whomever I want and still live here with him and our daughter as family.

I still see the man he once was that has turned into this ogar of a woman (he is six foot six and has a chest bigger than mine so prob a C cup and rail thin so its obvious not the way he says that well his best friend has man boobs. Yeah he is overall overweight not rail skinny and a huge chest

Cora 09/03/2019

Ah, that's such a tricky situation Daily. My spouse is open to the idea of me seeing others, but I'm less than enthused about it. To be technically separated but still living together sounds hard to navigate.

Farika9 10/08/2019

I know how you feel. I've cought my self not dressing up anymore to look pretty because his stuff is actually better than mine in cuter so in my head it's like what's the point anymore because when I do dress all the competition

MuseumMeg 10/08/2019

Every day it's a struggle of figuring out my identity and still lost. I look at the thousands of dollars he's spent in feminine clothing, shoes, makeup, etc while I can't afford to buy a bra for myself. Found myself shedding my feminity to establish some kind of balance to realize I was sabotaging myself. Yet, I feel like I'm seen as the one with the problem, the real issue to tackle. I'm therapy I get sympathetic glances but that doesn't give me the building blocks to re-establish myself. How do I even start??

gallinarosa 10/09/2019

I don't want to diagnose anyone's spouse, but please look into the symptoms of a personality disorder. It is generally believed that personality disorders can form due to trauma at an early age. Many of our spouses were traumatized by hiding their true identity from as early as they can remember. I think it is no coincidence that many exhibit symptoms of a PD (borderline, narcisstic, covert narcisstic, avoidant, etc.). Read up on them. The stories of people who endured the personality disorder of a partner may ring a bell and make you feel less crazy.and some of the tips about coping and healing may be helpful.

I am over two years into this struggle and I am only just starting to remember who I am or rather who I was and want to be again. I recently read somewhere that it can take an average of 3-6 years to recover simply from the traumatic moment of disclosure. I still feel lost about my own femininity.

We have to be survivors. It's our only real option.

hugs <3

Ldmessing 10/09/2019

I left and am reclaiming my feminity and am doing a thousand times better these days.

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