So, my spouse's therapist recommended some psychiatrists who could hook us up with an endocrinologist. My spouse made the arrangements so I was a little unclear about the specifics, but I was glad to get the ball moving. 

The first appointment was a general intake appointment. We met the director of the trans program who was very nice and welcoming. The program is about 2 to 3 years old and the doctor started it because some people didn't want to go all the way into the city to get care. He explained his program's approach--instead of one doctor managing all the different elements, he said that he wanted to take advantage of all the great specialists in the area. I was in the room for most of the intake questions, but then they asked me to leave when they did the physical. 

I've been reading a bit more about hormones and the literature really stresses that a doctor needs to oversee the implementation. Hormones don't just affect sex characteristics, but many other functions in the body. For example, you can have kidney failure if everything is not monitored correctly. So, the doctor explained that he needed to take a thorough physical so that he could get my spouse's baseline of health. He took several vials of blood. I think he was going to test my spouse for everything under the sun. LOL 

My spouse filled out lots of paperwork. When it got to the spot to say how he wishes to identify, he didn't check anything. He commented that it seemed "so real" now. When it asked his sexuality, he checked "other" and wrote in "my wife." 

So, our next appointment with the psychiatrist was for next month, but my spouse made a comment that he would like to see the psychiatrist as soon as possible. A few days later they called us with an opening and we took advantage of it. 

The appointment with the psychiatrist was more awkward. The psychiatrist just finished up his fellowship, so he's kinda new. We spoke together with the psychiatrist for a bit and then he asked me to leave the room. When I got back in the room, the psychiatrist made a comment about perhaps my spouse was just having "fantasies." This was news to me because if this was just all sex fantasies, I felt my spouse probably could have said so. I told my spouse later that I was surprised by this comment and he said he was surprised too. He said he didn't know where that comment came from. However, I don't necessarily blame the psychiatrist. My spouse's narrative isn't the traditional narrative at all and my spouse has a really hard time explaining his feelings. I can see how someone might not be convinced. 

Anyway, the psychiatrist wrote him a prescription for Wellbrutrin, which is an anti-depressant. Apparently, my spouse had taken this medication previously, but he couldn't remember why he went off. Currently his primary care physician has been writing his prescriptions for prozac. 

So, the medication will take about a month to take effect and we have an appointment with the psychiatrist next month. I told my spouse we can see how it goes, but if it continues to be awkward with the psychiatrist, we can get a new one. 

I felt really good after having these appointments. Sometimes I feel like my spouse wants to stay in a state of limbo, like where he doesn't have to do anything and I just have to accept everything that's going on. And while that might work for him, it absolutely doesn't work for me. I can't live in such an emotionally draining state.