Hi, Natalia. Glad you found this group. It's good to know you're not alone. Of course, everyone's story is different. But it's a good place to vent and express the anxiety that this creates. Removing body hair was the first thing my husband focused on as well. It's been about 16 months since my spouse first came out to me. There are so many unknowns still. It's definitely a process. With six kids, I imagine that there will be days that are filled with the normal business of life, and you will temporarily forget. There will also be the many late night conversations that leave you both crying and sleepless the next day. Wish I could be of help. Sending you hugs!

Hi goldie,
You responding is very helpful. It is nice to know I am not alone, that I am not crazy for my thoughts and feelings. I question my strength to do this and how to do it. Anyone who has or is going through this with their spouse is truly a warrior and I can only hope to make it through. I will take any advice or knowledge anyone is willing to give me. Thanks for the hugs!

Hi there I have a totally different perspective. My husband of 23 yrs came out and told he needed to transition into a women that's when our marriage broke down
I want to be married to a man not a women we have been separated for 5 mths still living under the same roof ... Separate bed rooms
He moves out this week end our house is on the market.
Our kids twin boys 20 girl 15 don't know yet it's up to him to tell them ....their works will fall apart ....
I understand that some spouses want to stay in the marriage but I couldn't ....
Please try to take time to understand your feels and how you want to live your life go to a therapist that help you work through how you feel
I have as none of.our friends know why we have separated...I have found talking to someone who is neutral most helpful
Take care of your self

Hi otta,
I fully understand your perspective and how your marriage crumbled. I don't know if mine will make it or not and more then likely will fail as i to want to be married to a man, but a close friendship will remain. However, i will do my best to make this work. My husband and myself are starting therapy separate and together. Thank your response and support.

Natalia

I am so sorry for what you are going through. And your identity matters too. Consider if the person he is becoming is the same person you married. I am not suggesting the answer. In my case, we remain married. He moved out. We talk every night and have dinner every now and then. He still mows the lawn here. It is not the same. Nothing will be the same. But this is how we remain friends.

Has your spouse told anyone else yet? While going to the therapist WITH your spouse is important, so is going alone just for yourself. Communication is key, but that doesn't mean for both of you that the other is the best person to look to for support. This is a hard adjustment because usually your spouse is who you turn to for everything but you need to sometimes be able to break down and say, "I hate this", but telling your spouse that will cause them to protect themself from your feelings instead of supporting you. And vice versa, you can't always be supportive to them when what they are telling you is breaking your heart.

I've been married 21 years with two kids and I have known just under two years. We are still living a lot like we always have (even stopped fighting less) but I am really struggling. My work life is tanking because I can't concentrate on anything else anymore.

Glad you found us and I hope we can all be helpful to each other. Try to deal with the issues day to day and not get too wrapped up in the unknowns. Hard to do, I know. I'm not sure if this is cruel, but it helped me to remind myself that ultimately this is NOT my problem, and not that I want to leave, but that if it ever gets so bad that I can't take it, I *can* walk away from the issue because it isn't mine. I think it helps to deal in the present just to know there is an escape hatch. Then you also realize that you are staying because you chose to, not because you were trapped. You will at many points feel like you have no control, so try to find the ways that you *do* feel in control when you can.

~hugs <3

Gallinarosa,
No we have told no one about this yet. We are still in the baby stages. I am in therapy, my husband in his, and then are gonna start couple therapy. Thank you for the tips and I will do my best to live in the moment. I find many moments hard. And catch myself staring at our family pictures grieving for the man I married, for my daughter who wont have her daddy walk her down the isle when she marries, or my younger children never knowing the man I gave my heart to. Then at times the anger at him just rushes over me. Anger for putting our family through this, for not knowing this about himself until now. It was very helpful when you said to remember it isnt my problem and I know that it is true thank you. Thank you for the support and warm welcome.
Natalie

Hurtdeeply,
Thank you for your support and reminding me of taking care of myself. I am bad about putting my family ahead of myself. I know me and my husband will always be friends and we will always live together due to circumstances, love, and our bond. But that is about all I know at this point. It is hard to find information on this and I am so grateful for everyone of you.
Natalie

Natalia78 I am so glad you found the group and hope it will be another source of support for you as I know it has been for me. Though all of our situations are unique there is so much in common. My husband disclosed his transgender feelings 7 months ago during a period of strong dysphoria. We have both been in counseling together and apart and it has been so important.

Don’t hesitate to reach out but my one piece of advice is to make sure you have the « right fit » in your therapist(s). There are so few who have specific training and experience with supporting spouses it can be frustrating and seem hopeless at times but they are out there!

Hugs to you...

Thank you so much AsherEmber. It is very hard and so many similarities with most stories but also individual differences. I was just telling goldie how happy I am that i found this forum as support for spouses just isnt out there

Hugs
Natalia