Spouses of Transgender Community Group

Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...

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Trauma vs. depression

gallinarosa
gallinarosa

I have recently switched to a new therapist. (My spouse and I had been seeing the same one and it got awkward.) She is wonderful. It dawned on me yesterday that she seems to make a distinction that I am suffering from trauma as opposed to depression. I know there is overlap and that trauma can cause depression, but it feel so validating to see it as trauma. Depression never quite did justice to what my experience was/is. It feels like something that needs more specialized treatment than depression, which I feel like now I can focus on. It is easier to forgive myself for still feeling traumatized after 2+ years than for being depressed that long. Unfortunately, I also see how many things in my relationship are ongoing triggers. Yesterday, the therapist and I focused for some time on the simple realization (that has been ever-present, yet I try to avoid) that what I want out of life and what my spouse wants are diametrically opposed. Everything that makes my spouse happier makes me sadder. I cried a lot yesterday as I thought about that one thing. It definitely felt like trauma, not depression.


What a long road this is :(

1newstart
1newstart
Going to a trauma therapist was huge for me. It was so validating. Calling what I was going through depression or codependency just never felt right or authentic to me. My therapist helped me process what was done to me and the position I had been put in because of someone else's actions and decisions. She helped me recognize my triggers (both large and small). She helped me recognize the physical reactions my body was having to the triggers so that I could recognize when it was starting and gave me things I could do to help minimize my reactions to them. My triggers could send me spiraling into a pit that could take me weeks to crawl out of. That hasn't happened in almost 6 months now. I still get triggered, but it isn't nearly as prolonged or intense as it was before.

I hope you are able to continue to heal and get better. For me, it did seem to get worse before it got better because the therapist brought up everything that I had been pushing down back to the surface in order to process it. I'm proud of you for doing the hard work of processing and healing.
Cora
Cora
Thank you for sharing this GR! I wonder if I should bring this up at my therapy sessions.

My therapist had a great piece of advice once, and she said that couples can have different jobs and hobbies, but if you can't decide together on how to spend your time and money, there is no relationship. Sounds like I should have known that, but when she put it that way, it brought greater clarity about what has been happening and what I want going forward. So, I can totally understand how accepting that you and your spouse can't come to an agreement on how to move forward can be so sad.
LookingForwardandBack
LookingForwardandBack
Thanks for the insight, GR. I'm sorry your journey has been so hard. It's scary to think about all the emotional work leading to nothing but more pain. I think all of us who had no idea probably feel some level of trauma, especially when it comes after so many years of marriage. Sending you strength! You'll push through this.
Scrollkeyhp
Scrollkeyhp
Diametrically opposed. What truer words. I just read all the posts and it just feels like I'm.reading my own thoughts