I really understand where you are coming from. My husband of 12.years told me about his transition 6 months into our relationship. However up to now that meant he was only comfortable in our bedroom dressed as a female. Recently he decided to do hormones because he wants more of that look and feel that he is missing. He goes back to the doctor on Thursday to start. He seems to be more satisfied knowing this decision,and that he is moving closer to where he wants to be. I know this is incredibly hard, I love my husband and he is an amazing lover, partner, friend, and father. I feel those are in his personality and will not change so I am readying myself for an amazing lover, partner, wife and mother.

Thank you, we've had many many conversations since I posted this and though his decision is to not transition right now he wanted to start hormones soon. I'm not sure I'm ready for that so soon, so we've compromised and he's going to talk to a doctor about starting testosterone suppressants.

Hello, it's a crazy feeling not knowing the future. I knew years ago my husband liked to cross dress, but I didn't think it would lead to this point. A year ago my husband started on testosterone suppressants, then he moved onto estrogen. He loves how he feels on it, and I don't think he will ever give it up. He said he isn't transitioning for now and doesn't know if he ever will, but as his body changes, it doesn't match what he's saying. As much as he loves this, I hate it. It's incredibly stressful on our marriage as I am heterosexual, not attracted to women at all sexually. He's grown breasts, lost muscle, plus a bunch of other changes. I thought I could handle some changes, but as time goes on, I'm not so sure. I feel guilty and selfish for not having more empathy, but I didn't expect my marriage to end up like this. Right now I can't see any way to make both of us happy.

That's what I'm worried about, I keep telling myself that it's just skin and hair, that it's the same person inside. But I worry I won't be able to handle it.

In the same boat. My partner of 32 years came home one day and announced "I think I'm transgender"! I had no warning, not the smallest clue beforehand. We have two children, luckily then aged 17 and 24. This happened 2 years ago, since then we have been on a rollercoaster as my partner raced headlong into his new life never giving us a moment to catch up, our heads were spinning. 6 months ago he moved out to live his new life to the full. The pain and loss was unbearable. Now he has started to visit us and although he can't let go of his new life he misses his family deeply and wants to come home. And that's where we are now, in a sort of limbo. I've spent my life with this person and I desperately want to find a way forward but there are so many layers to it that run far deeper than how he looks - and in lots of ways this is NOT the same person, his personality is different, his priorities, his emotions. But I suppose I'm different too now, I spent so long crying and running to keep up with his changes and crying more, I was so overwhelmed. Now, living apart, there has been time to come down, let my head stop spinning, stop torturing myself with "how could I not know?". Now I do the only thing that you can do in this situation - DON'T LOOK UP. I take each day at a time and if that's too hard then each hour at a time, because if I look up and start to think about the future I go back to being unable to cope. I still desperately love him and don't know how we'll get through this, but I do know it will be in baby steps.

I see our situations being so similar, although presently we're still together. We have a couple of kids, around the same age as yours Tez, and they have no idea what so ever. For now my husband isn't transitioning, but with hormones his body is changing, there's things that have already changed. I can see these changes, I don't think our kids can.... yet. I honestly think he's just trying to find a way to cope with this dysphoria, and how far he takes it remains to be seen. I feel like we're in limbo. He fears if he does transition, how much this will up end our family. He's afraid of losing what he has, his family as he knows it now. Fair enough, he's got a great relationship with his children and he doesn't want to jeopardize that. He knows if he transitions I will most likely leave. He knows I'm not attracted to women. I'll stay as long as I possibly can, but I know want more to a marriage than a roommate, and that's what we'll be if he transitions. Is that enough? I'm seeing a therapist, and we will be going to a therapist together. Maybe there's middle ground, maybe there isn't. I know for me personally, when he started taking hormones, that was a game changer, a big one. I feel I may be getting closer to where I draw the line in the sand and I need to plan for that.

InaQuandry, I can relate to your emotions and feelings so clearly. I feel an obligation to support my husband through his choices to transition, but it is SO difficult for me. I am in no way attracted to females, and it's hard for me to keep things romantic in our relationship. Though we haven't told any family, I know that day is on the horizon. I feel the pressure of bottling up this secret. Sometimes I question whether or not I want to stay married because I don't know if I can be happily married to a woman. But the other part of me feels locked into this marriage because of the promise I made to him on our wedding day. I want to be his biggest supporter, but it's difficult to be that when I am on a completely different page.

Rose6292, I understand completely how difficult it is for you. I'm feeling great guilt at entertaining these ideas of leaving, especially knowing if he transitions, how difficult it will be. Not just for our family, but for my husband as well. I don't have an answer, and I'm or shall I say we are just coping from day to day. I hate living like this, not knowing what the future holds, or worse yet, suspecting that I do know what my future holds. Right now today, I feel it's inevitable that he will transition at some point in time. How to get my head around that, I have no idea. We're going to couples therapy and hopefully as we continue, it will help us get through whatever is to come.