It will probably continue to surprise you every time you notice that you are still standing. It is good that you are taking note of that because remembering that you survived rough patches in the past helps you get through the ones in the future. I have a mantra that has come out of this that I repeat when I am feeling vulnerable. "I am strong. I am more than what happens to me."

In the beginning, I think my husband thought I obsessed too much reading things online, but for me, more knowledge helped me feel more in control and more grounded. Granted, you need to be selective, watch your overall time spent, and take everything with a grain of salt. There are happy stories and sad stories, but none of them are YOUR story. Your story is still unfolding.

So I think the challenge is balancing all these things to think about in the future. You cannot make decisions about the unknown future based on assumptions you have today. For one, things may never turn out how you are assuming they might. And two, your feelings may evolve over time and you may feel differently about something by the time it actually happens.

That said, it is difficult NOT to think about the future. Part of what I work on in therapy is how to live with that uncertainty. I still struggle with it. It gives me a lot of anxiety. I have been with my husband almost 24 years and I had NO idea he had gender identity issues.

In the past, did you two address your marital problems? If so, how did it go? For me, it wasn't drinking but there were serious problems and my husband always blamed them on me and I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong or how to fix it. At least with him being out, we can see more clearly what is going on and he has been able to admit where he has been mean as a side effect of trying to cope with (and hide) gender dysphoria. We have a lot to work on, but it is the first time in decades where I feel hopeful. Maybe you will be lucky enough to have a similar experience.

Your last comment (about not being the type of person that can handle the spotlight) strikes a chord. I think I wrote something like that at the beginning (and I still feel that way). I remember wondering if it was too superficial of a worry. But it can be a very real and visceral anxiety. I have a wide social circle and I don't want most of the people in it to have my husband's gender identity to be the first thing that crosses their mind every time the see me or speak to me. I have a long "to-do" list for my therapist and I... LOL.

Anyway, glad to see you hanging in there :)

Feel free to come babble on like I am doing if it helps.

<3

Hi Kate, sorry I didn't reply to your earlier post, but just wanted to say I totally understand what you are going through.
We are now nearly 9 months down the line from when I found out that the cross (underwear) dressing (which I'd known about for a year or so) was more than that and the TG question first came into it.
At the time, I made it quite clear that if he started any sort of transitioning - as in hormone therapy - that would be me out of the door. That was my uncrossable line.
Next week he is starting on HRT. I'm still here.
So, all I can say, is just take things one step at a time. Talk a LOT. Get therapy. Be open to discussion and compromise.
We are here for you.
Good luck.

Hi Kate, I am brand new to this site but not to this issue. Over the years I have learned to never say never. What you might not be able to tolerate today might be a non issue in the future. If you two work together, talk, cry or whatever it takes, you can make it through together. You both have to want it and it's hard work, but it can be done. In Aug, I will celebrate fifty years of marriage to this person that I have spent my entire adult life with and still love and cherish. Only now, he is a she. It's still hard some days but when it's all said and done, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Good luck.

Hello everyone, so I am a little new to this so im not sure where to begin. Me and my husband have been married for four years now, and though I knew about him being transsexual, he also knew that transitioning was not an option due to marrying a woman with three kids.... didn't think theyd understand. It wasn't till recently he re brought it up that he wanted to get back on the hormones ext. My fear is this....Though I love my husband I am not sure how I will feel when he starts looking like a woman. I myself am not bi or attracted to women at all,so is it selfish to worry that sexually I will not be attracted to him anymore? I want to support him and stick with him through this but how do we get over the physical attraction issue if/or when it ever gets to that?

Hi Kate!

One of the best pieces of advice I received is that you need to get excited about your new future. I realize this might be hard to do right now, but whenever I get down about what might happen in my relationship, I think of all the positives. Like, maybe I'll get divorced and start a new life in a new city and travel more?

The best thing you can do is give yourself time to process everything and allow yourself to be able to change your mind from week to week.