Good video!

I thought this one was pretty good too, it's called "Why We Choose Difficult Partners":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hvysy11716g

I think we see that attitude all the time on this board. Just recently there was a thread about medication for depression, and it seems many are on some form of antidepressant. Those that are staying in the relationship are putting themselves through all of this because their spouses/SOs need to go on this journey and want to go on it with them. They want their spouse/SO to be happy, so they are soldiering on.

Are the transitioning partners practicing that same kind of love? Are they also saying, "I love you therefore I want YOU to be happy. If it includes me, great! If it doesn't include me, I just want your happiness." I'm sure some of them are. Some are including their partner and only moving as quickly as their partner is comfortable with. Others, not so much.

Then there is the idea of self-love and loving ourselves enough to make our happiness a priority or at least as equally important as our partners' happiness.

For me, it meant letting go. My STBX (soon to be ex) would never have been able to fully explore and enjoy her authentic female self with me still in the picture, and I wouldn't have been happy either.

And saying good-bye doesn't make me a bad person or transphobic or unsupportive or anything like that. However, if you think it does, I'm okay with that. Do you now why? Because I know my heart, and now, finally, I am happy and at peace and excited for the future. Granted, it is different than the one I thought I'd have, but I am excited to see what it holds and where I'll go.

And you know what, my spouse feels the same way.

That doesn't mean this whole divorce process is easy. It isn't. It is hard and stressful, but I see that silver lining, so it's all good.

Lynn

Fantastic post Lynn!!! Nailed it!!

Lynn, I completely agree. When I wrote "if we could all", I definitely meant our spouses as well (if not especially). I feel like I get this much more than my spouse does. And the frustrating part is that my spouse *thinks* they want my happiness because they are trying to prevent a breakup. But I think they are trying to prevent a breakup for their own happiness. This video spelled out the difference between than I have been able to convey.

In my case, I think my spouse *wants* to be at this place and I think therapy is helping. Years of suppression and the trauma of hiding being transgender has disabled that ability, but I think it is fixable.

You are definitely not a bad person. I think you are showing the unselfish or "genuine" love discussed in the video. I am so glad to see you at a spot where you feel good about it all. It is very inspirational. Thanks... and good luck on your journeys ahead <3

Naw, Lynn, you are my hero! :)

This is really thought provoking. I sent it to my partner, and he says it's better than any therapy he's had. However, I don't want to sow the seed into his mind that he doesn't actually really love me, but is just attached to me. I know with me, I genuinely feel a deep, real love for him, I hope he feels the same way.
He is now saying, that my love may be enough to help him get through transition, even though he realises that I may not stay.
Worrying times ahead I think.

And Lynn, you are amazing, I'm in awe.