This probably isn't going to make you feel better, but it's been 11 months since I found out and I still don't know what it means. It feels a little like there is a time bomb hanging out on our marriage and I have no idea if it is going to explode or be a dud and fizzle out or never go off at all and leave me wondering forever if it is still possibly going to ignite.

I love my spouse and I want to stay. Right now there is not too much for me to handle. Except that uncertainty -- the time bomb just sitting there.

We have over 23 years together. In addition to the love, we have the sheer inertia of it holding us together pretty well.

Hang in there. Even being an LGBTQ ally, or being bisexual yourself, does not necessarily prepare you for this.

Like GR, I have no answer to this one. Initially, I saw any transition as a total no-no and automatic separation (we are not married). But he's starting HRT in two weeks time, and I'm still here. It's just a case of seeing how things go, see how we both react to the changes that the hormones bring. We are both determined to save our relationship whatever happens.
Good luck xx

I understand what you’re both saying... i just feel like I’d rather leave befor it explodes. I see a therapist and she says that I’m not even committed to the relationship anymore because I’m reality the relationship we have is built on a lie of who he was.

I’m feel really confused and hurt and idk what to do. Because if I told him not to do it he wouldn’t. But I can’t do that because he deserves to be happy. But so do I.

My spouse tells me that he is basically the same person. He thinks this will comfort me, but it doesn't. Like, I get it, you'll be the same person on the inside, but on the outside you'll be different and I'm heterosexual, not gay, so that's a problem.

So, I guess it depends on what you want from the relationship.

Cora, you’re right. It is not comforting to hear that.
My husband says the same thing to me trying to comfort me.
But the Reality is that I don’t even think that’s true because, the “man” I married doesn’t actually exist and he never did.

That’s what gets me. Because he is inside of this shell of a person to fit in and be accepted or what ever.

So my frustration comes from feeling like I’m married to someone I don’t even know.

And I also don’t even know what I’m supposed to want from the relationship anymore.

Howcani,

This process has left me with one big question.

What makes a person a person?

The second biggest question being,

Is it moral to be attached to the way someone looks physically?

I dont know how to completely answer the first question yet, but i do feel as though unless we are purely pansexual and attracted to personalities, a persons physicality most certainly plays a role. We grow to love every piece of a person, including their body. It is not wrong to think that perhaps they arent quite the same without the same body that we love and that they perhaps dont love. But there are those of us who are flexible enough to grow to love the changes. Take it slow and see what youre capable of. This doesnt invalidate the person you know or love.

We are currently going through the divorce process.

1ns, so sorry to hear that. I know it’s hard. We talked about the possibility of separating recently and started going to couples therapy.

Howcani, thanks, but no need to be sorry. It really is for the best. Neither of us is able to give the other what we need in a marriage, so after over 20 years of marriage, it really is the best option for us. We could have stayed together and have been "happy" in a platonic marriage, but that wasn't what either of us wanted. Now, at least, we will have a possibility of finding happiness with someone.

Don't misunderstand me. Divorce is hard. It has stirred up a lot of emotions that I thought I had gotten past. It has been reliving the death of my marriage all over again, but there is an end in sight. Finally, there is daylight at the end of this, and we will both be better off when it is finally over and done with.