Spouses of Transgender Community Group

Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...

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Sylph 03/02/2019

I have the feeling that this is the main block to my acceptance. I'm kind of ok most of the time, but every now and then I see something - an item of underwear, I notice the plucked eyebrows, the horrible leggings (I have mentioned those before, lol!), or sometimes even just him, and I just cringe. I just think 'What the hell....? what is he thinking? does he think it looks good?'. I'm not disgusted or revolted as such, just, I guess embarrassed. For him, and myself. Is it my internalised transphobia? Am I so shallow that how a person looks is too important? Am I worried about people noticing? Sometimes seeing his breasts have that effect too - I just kind of have a sharp intake of breath sometimes, when I notice them. Is it the 'dude in a dress' thing that so many of us, rather cruelly, see, when we see some transwomen? (He doesn't wear dresses, it's just an analogy!). Is it just because he looks so WRONG? I honestly think if I can get over this, I can accept him and his changes. Any advice? Or is there no hope?

hurtdeeply 03/02/2019

Spouces should be connected mind, body, and soul. Your reactions to body changes are honest and natural. I think my husband dehumanizes himself. He is not play dough that you can reshape into something else.

Ldmessing 03/02/2019

I can't get past those things either, the breasts, the leggings, he looks so ridiculous, and then wonders why I don't want to touch him

atmywitsend1234 03/02/2019

I know exactly what you are talking about and I used to have moments like this as well. I’m not sure why we have these feelings. It made me feel shallow, but Iknow it’s a natural reaction. Why...I’m not sure. Why is it that when a female dresses in men’s clothes, we don’t usually have the same “cringe” reaction that we do when it is reversed. Maybe it is our socialization because clothes are just clothes, but I don’t know.

I will say that over time this has gotten way easier. She has had facial feminization surgery and her style just keeps getting more and more tasteful and age appropriate.

hurtdeeply 03/03/2019

This is more than clothes. This is self hate. It's destructive.

Cora 03/03/2019

I think we all have ideas of what a woman or man should look like, and I think sometimes when you apply certain feminine things to manly man, it can look off.

Like plucked eyebrows---well, yeah, if your head and face is small and petite that's a feminine style that will work for you. But a big, wide manly man face? It's going to look odd.

Your spouse probably needs to work on his style more. Particularly that leggings issue!!! *shakes fist*

MuseumMeg 03/03/2019

This is my mental struggle everyday. He doesn't bother to put anything away so it's just a constant reminder everywhere I look. Something to make me wonder if I'm a horrible person. The energy to battle this daily is too much. I even say things like "I don't like to be touched when you wear a bra" and no reaction.
It hurts. Sorry no answer here but a very heartfelt commiseration.

Sunniejam77 03/05/2019

My spouse has leggings that make me cringe. She is not a small person. Most of her leggings are wild patterns(although she does have the basic black), including these REALLY weird Star Wars leggings. Her taste in clothes is very different from mine, so I struggle when she asks how I like her outfits.

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