Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
He constantly tries to emulate me and it is driving me insane. I recently lost 62 pounds and for the first time in a decade, have the confidence to wear a bikini this summer. I was telling him how I tried on one that I wore to PR years ago and it fit and I am so excited to wear it this summer. Did he say "that's awesome!" or "I can't wait to see you in it?". No, he remarked that I am too skinny. Then a few hours later, he asks his daughter to give him her hand me down swimwear, in front of me! Then says that he wants to "try on a bikini" "it is something I have always wanted to do". I said to what end? he said well I don't plan on wearing one to the pool anytime soon, but I shouldn't be forbidden to wear what I want to the pool!
then he yelled at me about how unsupportive I am. Where the F*** is my support?
I really do not know how much more I can take. The estrogen is not doing a thing to help "take the edge off" like he promised me it would. It is NOT making him happier or easier to live with.
"Here’s the problem. If I have to worry about you and how you feel, and at the same time worry about me, how I feel, how my family feels, how my extended family will feel, how my job will feel, how my community will feel, etc.. etc. I’m constantly at the breaking point now. It’s hard trying to fight for my life and my happiness while knowing you’re hurting others, disrupting their lives, creating sadness. And to top it off, knowing how way too many in society (including my “friends list” on FB) feel about transgender people such as me."
Also, it is worth noting, that even the "support" he is saying he cannot give is not really support for anyone but himself. I think when he worries about how other people feel about him it is still just caring about himself and seeing things only from his perspective.
Being nice to you when you reached a goal you set to lose weight and were feeling proud about it in no way should feel like a burden to him. And if it was triggering or something because he wishes he could wear a bikini, he needs to be mature enough to communicate that. He might not be able to control gender dysphoria, but he can control how he reacts to it and how he treats you.
Maybe you two need to have a heart to heart about what kind of support you can provide for each other and what kind you cannot. He probably isn't the right person to lean on for the grief you are feeling and you probably aren't the right person for him to lean on as he needs help moving forward. But you can find a therapist or friend for those roles and still be supportive for things like weight loss.
Yes I need a therapist, but my not having one isn't for lack of trying. this area is so pro trans and anti supporting the spouse.
Our spouses took a vow to love, honor and cherish us. He can dump Facebook if that is a source of stress.
Congratulations, by the way, on getting fit.