I'm a 31 year old cisgender woman. I met my partner six years ago, and he was then living as a very butch lesbian, but came out to me as trans three years ago. I had privately always sort of suspected that was the case ( I remember after our first date, calling my mom and telling her about it, and telling her that I had the feeling that if we kept dating, at some point I would hear that (then)she was trans, and at the time, it didn't concern me in the least. I'm fairly openminded sexually, and I've spent enough time around transgender people to not feel any discomfort about the idea. I'd dated women pretty exclusively for four or five years, but wasn't necessarily against the idea of ending up with a man, so that didn't worry me either--I had boyfriends in high school, but never felt the same connection with them as I did with women, so I didn't generally pursue relationships with men, but wasn't against the idea if I'd met someone who I DID make that connection with. Anyway, all of this points to me being able to handle my partner transitioning like a champ. 

At first, that was the case. I have been there for him every step of the way, from the endless paperwork and doctor's appointments, to coming out to both of our families and dealing with some unsupportive relatives on both sides, to coming out at work, changing his name, etc. I give him his hormone injections, listen to him vent, accompany him to the doctors' offices, whatever he needs. And I'm as supportive as I know how to be. But... as his transition has progressed, I'm finding myself not really attracted to him anymore. He hasn't had surgery yet--we haven't been able to afford it, though top surgery is planned for next year--but he has been on hormones, and he's gotten hairier, smells different, his voice has changed, his chest has flattened significantly, all the normal changes of testosterone.

I love him dearly, and by any logical standard, I should be just as attracted to him now as I was a few years ago, and have spent the last year or so trying to convince myself that my issue is just ME, that maybe my heart meds are messing with my sex drive, or that the stress of work and school and his transition and money issues and life in general has made me unable really enjoy sex with ANYONE, but... I think I'm beginning to realize that I'm just not attracted to him anymore. This became very clear to me recently when I had to train someone new at work. She was beautiful and a little flirty, and while nothing but work happened between us, I just kept thinking about how hot she was and how I would totally be hitting on her right back if I were single, and I left work totally turned on--something I hadn't felt in almost a year. (I usually work alone, and spend all my time with male friends, and rarely have the chance to flirt with a pretty girl...) And then I went home, and my boyfriend tried to cuddle with me on the couch, and it was like that feeling just... died. I wasn't turned on, I didn't want to do anything with him, I felt nothing more than I would hugging a relative--emotional love, but no physical or sexual attraction whatsoever. An almost physical disinterest, in fact.

I have no idea what to do. I love him so much as a person, I love spending time with him, he's my best friend. And I don't want to hurt him. I wasn't lying when I told him that I loved him and wanted to support him in his transition, I meant it. I still mean it. I feel horrible for feeling this way at all, but I can't seem to fix it. It just feels hopeless and heartbreaking. We're engaged, we're supposed to get married next year, and all I keep thinking is that I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a marriage where I'm not attracted to my partner at all. But I also don't want to lose him. I don't care that he's a man, but my body seems to care A LOT. It's making me so depressed that I have trouble getting out of bed some days. I don't want to break his heart, and I don't want to be the kind of person who leaves someone over the fact that he's finally being himself. This is so hard...

Has anyone else dealt with this--mental willingness and desire to stay together, but a complete physical disinterest in their partner's changing body? What can I do? Is our relationship just doomed?