Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
Y'all, almost every single post and comment on here mentions how self-centered or narcissistic her spouse/significant other is.
That means something.
I'll said it again, all these stories are so related to each and every one of us that there has to be a mental issue that no one is bothering to look at.
My husband actually said this to me the other day.....
Hey, so I notice that you are getting really upset by my behavior, especially when I want to dress up. And that makes me upset. So could you not be upset anymore? That's the only way this relationship is going to work (ie, if you let me do every thing I want to do no matter the consequences).
So that was absolutely the last straw. It was definitely a narcissisic comment, but I would say close to sociopatheic.
Something that you all should also be aware of, estrogen builds in the system over time and usually over a very short period of time. Normal estrogen levels for women range from 200 to 400. My husband, after gettting the go ahead from the doc, doubled his dose. 4 months later, his estrogen level was 1320....quadruple what is normal for women. For men, I think it is normally like 10. My husband actually said he would learn how to manage the crazy (because, lord, he was insane--it came in waves), I told him, "how the hell are you going to do that? Most women haven't even figured that one out!" Estrogen has made him more depressed and has magnified all of the behavior that used to be kind of one of those, "meh", to now, "Holy shit". Behavior that could have been thought of as sort of selfish, but has become full blown self-absorbtion or narcissism.
My husband cut back his dosage and it was weird for the first three weeks or so, because he was almost back to his old self...the guy I fell in love with, but because estrogen builds in the system, he is starting to be a complete ass again. I get maybe two days out of every two weeks where his cognitive abilities are in good shape and he acts, not completely, but close to his old self. Anyway, my warning is that if your significant other is taking hormones, it is most likely they are not monitoring it very closely, which can lead to many bad things, mentally and physically.
I'll be leaving my husband right after Christmas. Not because I want to spend another holiday with him, but because that is the only time I can get the hell out. I cry every day about it, but more for him than for me. And I cry for me, because this was supposed to be "it" and I don't want to start over and I certainly don't want to try having another relationship with anyone. I used to have a tremendous labido, and now sex kind of grosses me out and that bothers me a lot.
And I am looking forward to the move. My son and I will be moving across the country and he and I get to decide where we want to live and how. That's a good feeling. So many little things I won't miss along with all the big things. That is what I am looking forward to not having to deal with. And getting my self-esteem back up. I can't wait for THAT to happen. It isn't worth staying in a relationship where you know you are, at best, a second thought...no matter how old you are.
Y'all are doing great! I mean it!
I was doing lots of digging online during one of my recent sleepless nights and came across what seems to be a connection between schizophrenia and gender dysphoria. At least for my husband anyways. He has SO MANY of the symptoms one of them being confusion about sex and gender. It really seems to me this dysphoria is the symptom of something deeper. I mentioned this to my husband and approached it by saying "I just love you so much and I want you to be sure you are making the right choice because what you are doing to your body is permanent." And I mentioned the possibility of some kind of psychological testing and he flipped out. Why is the trans community SO OFFENDED when it's ever brought up that maybe this is a mental illness? That is nothing to be ashamed of! Seriously, how could it be anything else?
He has made a new friend that was born a woman, is taking male hormones but is "fluid" in that she goes back between male and female. Her preferred pronouns are "they/their." Tell me, how on earth could that be considered sane? If that isn't the definition of mental illness, I don't know what is.
I wish there was stricter guidelines on being about to start hormone treatment. I mean, intense psychological testing. The insurance companies scrutinize everything else, why do they approve treatment for this so easily?
There are actual "guidelines" for a person transitioning. 2 years, at least of psychotherapy, during which time a person is to be tested and assessed. Then and only then, they can make a decision on whether or not they want to transition. Guess what the resounding answer is if a person follows those guidelines? No. No to transitioning. It has become far to easy for a person to start hormones and other things without even figuring out the why.
I've read the same things about schizophrenia and dysphoria....it makes sense. I looked it up a while ago because both of my husband's sisters are schizophrenic. Totally interesting that you are seeing some of the same signs in your husband.
As for a mental problem... why is it suddenly NOT a mental illness? The people who want to chop their hands off or pour acid on their eyes are considered sick and there are interventions... even for plastic surgery!! But if you are born a male and "feel" like you are female (please ladies, tell me what that feels like because I'm still trying to figure that one out)... they are praised and given hormones, and special clothing to accommodate this sickness.... it also affects SOOOOOO many people around them. If it was a different behavior, like alcoholism, and it affected do many people... wouldn't we jump on it and try to stop this behavior?!?!??
It drives me nuts! Then you have people screaming at us for being "homophobic"?!?!? What!??!? I woke up one morning and now I'm a bigot, homophobic, transphobic bitch. I was just sitting on the couch... minding my own business! What the hell!?!?
It's everywhere, by the way, every sitcom, drama, talk shows, reality shows, documentaries, movies, plays, commercials too... it's being shoved down our throats. Dare we say... "Hey! What about us? The spouse? The one this ACTUALLY DIRECTLY affects?" ---- we are supposed to shut up or give up.
It IS a very selfish illness. I can't believe he said that to you birdie23... so selfish! They think because they lived a lie before, we somehow owe them this freedom to do whatever the hell they want! Well, guess what? I didn't start the lie! YOU did asshole. You chose to lie to me and now that you can't do it anymore... I have to adjust to your new lie... the lie that you are like me. I don't think so!
I've asked mine repeatedly, if it were switched around would you just be okay with me having a beard and hairy chest and demand people call me Sir? I don't think so. He can't answer because he knows he would be gone before I could even put on a flannel shirt.
I'm sorry for your loneliness but I'm glad you found us! Personally, I feel a million times better now that I have a group of women that knows what this is like. I cannot believe he actually left like that. I feel like they should be begging us to stay but instead they turn their backs to look in the mirror at themselves.
As far as putting your life back together, well I only just separated in September so I'm still figuring this out. What I do know is that I get to decide how my life gets put back together so I'm going to do what's best for my children and me. Right now though, I'm just licking my wounds if you know what I mean.
I just have to throw this out there. Any one else ever look at their spouses Facebook page and notice all the new TG friends they have? It's disgusting! Mine spent his whole life convincing me that he just wasn't very sociable and now he has hundreds of new friends on Facebook.