Same here. We agreed to be honest about everything, he said he'd discuss everything with me first but it's not happening. For example, he agreed to no spiro (T-blocker), told the clinic that and they suggested an alternative. Without discussing, next thing I know this alternative appears in the post! His excuse was that he thought it was only the spiro I was against and he assumed I'd be ok with the other one. Needless to say I'm NOT ok. He isn't taking it anyway...
But I KNOW he is still hiding things. After a lifetime of it, it's a hard habit to break.

That's hard, and for me, the lies and the deceit was a bigger issue than the transitioning.

Has he said why? It seems you are being supportive if you have helped with the other things, so I wouldn't think he has a need to hide things from you. Is he lying about other things as well - or just the clothes?

Sylph - that is EXACTLY what I am dealing with. he seems to look for little loopholes, steamrolls ahead without discussing with me, claiming that he wants to avoid an uncomfortable conversation.

and I agree, it has been almost 50 years of lying on his part, I understand it is a hard habit to break, but for crying out loud, how does he expect me to grow and change during his transition if he insists on being so secretive. After all, what he has done in the past has not worked.

1newstart, yes the lies and deceit is a bigger issue.

Ldmessing, why on earth would he want to avoid an uncomfortable conversation?! At this point he needs to realize that many conversations will be uncomfortable but that doesn't mean you should avoid them. They are exactly what your relationship needs!

I wish they understood the wedge they are driving into the relationship.

I always use the term "slippery". That is how my spouse feels to me sometimes when I am trying to get information - even sometimes when I am not trying to get information. Like he says as little as possible as vaguely as possible so that I walk away thinking he told me something only to realize later that there was no substance to whatever he said.

Gallinarosa - my spouse does the same thing! When I catch him in a lie he says things like I didn't lie, I just didn't say that part or you didn't ask, so me not telling is not a lie. WTH? Keeping things that you know you should tell your spouse from them is a lie. He is working on it in therapy since this has been how he has always dealt with everything in his life, but it is a frustrating process.

I am 100% for my spouse's transition and try to be as understanding and affirming as I can be, however I do expect some understanding when I cry or get sad and the truth.
My deal breaker through this was always bottom surgery (because I would still like to have sex with my spouse and am not really into women) and recently he went to a group with a speaker who specializes in bottom surgery. When I asked him about it he said he isn't interested, but just wanted more information. Why do I feel like this is another lie?

Sending love and hugs to all of you. Hearing that all of your spouses also struggle with the truth I can't help but wonder if this is something so ingrained in them from youth that it is going to be harder to break for them then actually telling people they are trans.